Jokes Thread 2

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  1. Posts : 1,491
    Win7 Pro-64 Bit
       #701

    pebbly said:
    Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.
    He eventually decides to go and see a doctor.. ...The doctor said,
    'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will
    require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press
    on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way
    to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.' Joe was shocked and depressed. He
    wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
    When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt
    like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like
    a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit.' He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'

    The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... size 44 long.' Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?' 'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.

    Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?' Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'
    The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'


    Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
    'Been in the business 60 years.' Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.
    Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked,
    'How about some new underwear?' Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure...'
    The salesman said, 'Let's see... size 36.


    Joe laughed, 'Aha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old...'

    The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34.
    A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give
    you one hell of a headache.'
    New suit,shirt and undies and several ounces lighter.
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  2. Posts : 2,737
    Windows 7 Enterprise (x64); Windows Server 2008 R2 (x64)
       #702

    profdlp said:
    WindowsStar said:
    ...The one I have seen is much longer and includes a wife, how bad he feels, and how she tries to keep him happy. :)
    It'd be a little late for that, eh?
    She is making him happy before the change :) Wish I could find the long version
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  3. Posts : 53,657
    Windows 10 Home x64
       #703

    WindowsStar said:
    profdlp said:
    WindowsStar said:
    ...The one I have seen is much longer and includes a wife, how bad he feels, and how she tries to keep him happy. :)
    It'd be a little late for that, eh?
    She is making him happy before the change :) Wish I could find the long version
    I've seen it end in:

    New suit - $400

    New shirt - $36

    New underwear - $6



    Second Opinion - PRICELESS!

    A Guy
      My Computer


  4. Posts : 1,035
    Vista 64 Ultimate, Windows 7 64 Ultimate, Ubuntu 9.10
       #704

    A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.


    To get a feel for his audience, he asks,
    'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

    About 90 students raised their hands.

    Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'

    About 40 students raised their hands.

    That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

    About 15 students raised their hand.

    Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

    Three students raised their hands.

    That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'

    Way in the back, Allen raises his hand.

    The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

    The farming student from TN replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

    When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Allen, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

    Allen replied,
    "Ghost? From way back there I thought you said Goat."
      My Computer


  5. Posts : 5,840
    Vista Ult64, Win7600
       #705

    Nice one, I hope Kari doesn't see this one, he seems to think they are all Reindeer, what can I say.
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  6. Posts : 17,545
    Windows 10 Pro x64 EN-GB
       #706
      My Computer


  7. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #707

    > > Top Ten Reasons Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women...
    > >
    >
    > >
    > >
    > > And here we go...
    > >
    > >
    > > #10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
    > >
    > > #9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
    > >
    > > #8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
    > >
    > > #7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
    > >
    > > #6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
    > >
    > > #5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
    > >
    > > #4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.
    > >
    > > #3 - A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
    > >
    > > #2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
    > >
    > > And the Number One reason
    > >
    > > Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women.....
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > #1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun!
      My Computer


  8. Posts : 5,840
    Vista Ult64, Win7600
       #708

    I like it , You can buy a silencer.
      My Computer


  9. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #709

    jfar stole my Sig.

    He couldn't even get the sig applied right.

    At least he didn't steal my horse.


    He must have fell off his horsegoat again!

    Jfar thinks that goat he rides is a Unicorn. He can't count too well!

      My Computer


  10. Posts : 9,606
    Win7 Enterprise, Win7 x86 (Ult 7600), Win7 x64 Ult 7600, TechNet RTM on AMD x64 (2.8Ghz)
       #710

    Hopalong X said:
    jfar stole my Sig.

    He couldn't even get the sig applied right.

    At least he didn't steal my horse.


    He must have fell off his horsegoat again!

    Jfar thinks that goat he rides is a Unicorn. He can't count to well!


    Jokes Thread 2 Attached Images Jokes Thread 2-jfar_horse_facepalm.jpg 
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