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Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

04 Jan 2011   #701
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.
He eventually decides to go and see a doctor.. ...The doctor said,
'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will
require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press
on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way
to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.' Joe was shocked and depressed. He
wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt
like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like
a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit.' He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... size 44 long.' Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?' 'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?' Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'
The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'


Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years.' Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked,
'How about some new underwear?' Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure...'
The salesman said, 'Let's see... size 36.


Joe laughed, 'Aha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old...'

The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34.
A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give
you one hell of a headache.'
New suit,shirt and undies and several ounces lighter.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Jan 2011   #702
WindowsStar

Windows 7 Enterprise (x64); Windows Server 2008 R2 (x64)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by profdlp View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by WindowsStar View Post
...The one I have seen is much longer and includes a wife, how bad he feels, and how she tries to keep him happy.
It'd be a little late for that, eh?
She is making him happy before the change Wish I could find the long version
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04 Jan 2011   #703
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by WindowsStar View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by profdlp View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by WindowsStar View Post
...The one I have seen is much longer and includes a wife, how bad he feels, and how she tries to keep him happy.
It'd be a little late for that, eh?
She is making him happy before the change Wish I could find the long version
I've seen it end in:

New suit - $400

New shirt - $36

New underwear - $6



Second Opinion - PRICELESS!

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

05 Jan 2011   #704
fishnbanjo

Vista 64 Ultimate, Windows 7 64 Ultimate, Ubuntu 9.10
 
 

A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.


To get a feel for his audience, he asks,
'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

About 90 students raised their hands.

Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'

About 40 students raised their hands.

That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

About 15 students raised their hand.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

Three students raised their hands.

That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'

Way in the back, Allen raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The farming student from TN replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Allen, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

Allen replied,
"Ghost? From way back there I thought you said Goat."
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05 Jan 2011   #705
jfar

Vista Ult64, Win7600
 
 

Nice one, I hope Kari doesn't see this one, he seems to think they are all Reindeer, what can I say.
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05 Jan 2011   #706
Kari

 

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05 Jan 2011   #707
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

> > Top Ten Reasons Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women...
> >
>
> >
> >
> > And here we go...
> >
> >
> > #10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
> >
> > #9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
> >
> > #8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
> >
> > #7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
> >
> > #6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
> >
> > #5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
> >
> > #4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.
> >
> > #3 - A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
> >
> > #2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
> >
> > And the Number One reason
> >
> > Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women.....
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > #1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun!
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05 Jan 2011   #708
jfar

Vista Ult64, Win7600
 
 

I like it , You can buy a silencer.
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05 Jan 2011   #709
Hopalong X

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 

jfar stole my Sig.

He couldn't even get the sig applied right.

At least he didn't steal my horse.


He must have fell off his horsegoat again!

Jfar thinks that goat he rides is a Unicorn. He can't count too well!

My System SpecsSystem Spec
05 Jan 2011   #710
DocBrown

Win7 Enterprise, Win7 x86 (Ult 7600), Win7 x64 Ult 7600, TechNet RTM on AMD x64 (2.8Ghz)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Hopalong X View Post
jfar stole my Sig.

He couldn't even get the sig applied right.

At least he didn't steal my horse.


He must have fell off his horsegoat again!

Jfar thinks that goat he rides is a Unicorn. He can't count to well!




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