Jokes Thread 2

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  1. Posts : 2,493
    Windows 7 64Bit
       #771

    Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
    Jack Bauer would have done it in 5
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  2. Posts : 17,545
    Windows 10 Pro x64 EN-GB
       #772

    lorddenis said:
    Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
    Jack Bauer would have done it in 5
    Doesn't he always need 24 hours? Year after year the task he has seems to take 24 hours.
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  3. Posts : 2,493
    Windows 7 64Bit
       #773

    Kari said:
    lorddenis said:
    Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
    Jack Bauer would have done it in 5
    Doesn't he always need 24 hours? Year after year the task he has seems to take 24 hours.
    He need's that long to find them..And to find out that there is a mole in CTU.
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  4. Posts : 4,663
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64 bit
       #774

    "Yeah don't forget the Motor City (can't forget the Motor City)"

    Dancing In The Street
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  5. Posts : 4,198
    Windows 10 Pro
       #775

    A Fat guy saw an Ad in Newspaper:
    "LOSE 5KG's IN A WEEK!"
    He call's the company to join Weight Reduction Program. The company Agent tells to be ready 6 A.M every day. The next morning he opens the door and finds a Hot Babe wearing tracksuit n sneakers saying:
    "If You Catch Me, I'm All Yourz!"
    After that, the girl starts running. The Fat guy starts running after her but could'nt catch her. During the whole week he tries to catch but was'nt successful, however he loses 5KG. He than asks for the 10KG Program. Next morning he opens the door and sees an even Hotter Babe in Mini Shorts and Bikini saying:
    "If You Catch Me, I'm All Yourz!"
    He loses 10KG that week. So he thinks this program is Awesome, why not go for the 25KG Program. The next day at 6 A.M, he opens the door expecting to see a faboulous babe but finds a Huge Muscular Man saying:
    " IF I CATCH YA.... YOUR ALL MINE!"
    That week the guy lost 30KG.
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  6. Posts : 2,493
    Windows 7 64Bit
       #776

    boogieboy said:
    A Fat guy saw an Ad in Newspaper:
    "LOSE 5KG's IN A WEEK!"
    He call's the company to join Weight Reduction Program. The company Agent tells to be ready 6 A.M every day. The next morning he opens the door and finds a Hot Babe wearing tracksuit n sneakers saying:
    "If You Catch Me, I'm All Yourz!"
    After that, the girl starts running. The Fat guy starts running after her but could'nt catch her. During the whole week he tries to catch but was'nt successful, however he loses 5KG. He than asks for the 10KG Program. Next morning he opens the door and sees an even Hotter Babe in Mini Shorts and Bikini saying:
    "If You Catch Me, I'm All Yourz!"
    He loses 10KG that week. So he thinks this program is Awesome, why not go for the 25KG Program. The next day at 6 A.M, he opens the door expecting to see a faboulous babe but finds a Huge Muscular Man saying:
    " IF I CATCH YA.... YOUR ALL MINE!"
    That week the guy lost 30KG.
      My Computer


  7. Posts : 5,840
    Vista Ult64, Win7600
       #777

    andsome said:
    jfar said:
    andsome said:
    I love to encourage wild life such as birds hedgehogs etc into the garden. Other peoples cats do their best to destroy this wild life. I appreciate that this is what cats do by their nature , but as far as I am concerned it is anti social to keep cats in a built up area where they can wander uninvited into other peoples gardens. They also dig holes and crap into them then bury the crap. Most unpleasant when putting out summer bedding plants. I love dogs, and what is more they can be confined to their owners gardens.

    I also shudder when I see people allowing their cats onto kitchen work surfaces, a filthy habit. I don't like to see them on furniture either. They belong in a farm yard keeping the rodents down.

    I was amazed the other day when I was sitting having my breakfast, I looked out the back window, and I watched a cat do as we call it over here a "shoite" in the wifes flower bed, I just laughed to myself and said, sure it will be good for the flowers.

    But then to my amazment he went and dug a hole and buried it, I never saw anything like that in my life, he must have been well trained.

    Did you ever see anything like that ?
    That is their usual method. It's a nasty surprise when you are planting summer bedding plants and discover their nasty little packages. As I said, cats are unsociable animals to be kept in built up areas where they can upset other residents. they are more suitable on a farm.


    Yeah, but this cat, this one buried it with a pick and a shovel and the garden fork,
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  8. Posts : 5,840
    Vista Ult64, Win7600
       #778

    A man's head without a body comes floating into a bar and orders a drink.
    He sort of slurps the drink down, and his entire torso appears. He orders another drink, slurps that one down, and suddenly he has leg.

    "This is great," he says to the bartender, "give me another drink. Let's get my arms back." The bartender pours him another, he slurps it down, and suddenly he disappears altogether.

    The guy sitting next says to the bartender, "He should have quit while he was a head."

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  9. Posts : 11,991
    Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
       #779

    jfar said:
    A man's head without a body comes floating into a bar and orders a drink.
    He sort of slurps the drink down, and his entire torso appears. He orders another drink, slurps that one down, and suddenly he has leg.

    "This is great," he says to the bartender, "give me another drink. Let's get my arms back." The bartender pours him another, he slurps it down, and suddenly he disappears altogether.

    The guy sitting next says to the bartender, "He should have quit while he was a head."
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  10. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #780

    Warning..... This is a very naughty joke ,If you are under 16 or of a nervous disposition, leave the forum now







    Two old ladys meet in the park one says to the other "did you come on the bus" the other says "yeah but I made it look like an Asthma attack"
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