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Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

10 Jan 2011   #791
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

I can't type for laughing , till I've cried.. you and MIKE kill me with the stuff you post..
Pebbly isn't far behind..
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Jan 2011   #792
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there.

"No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?"

The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Jan 2011   #793
Tews

64-bit Windows 8.1 Pro
 
 
The one wish genie

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold 'a genie' appeared! The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.

The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what will it be?"

The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time and is faithful. That's what I wish for... a good man."

The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see that map again..."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

11 Jan 2011   #794
boogieboy

Windows 7 Ultimate x64 SP1 | Windows 10 Pro
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Jan 2011   #795
Kari

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'


Same gentlemen, another day.

"Do you remember how they put something in our food in army during the second world war to decrease our sex needs?"

"Yes, I believe I do."

"I think it's starting to work."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Jan 2011   #796
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Garage Door The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.



As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires..
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Jan 2011   #797
jfar

Vista Ult64, Win7600
 
 

Disgraceful. that's all I can say.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Jan 2011   #798
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

jfar,
You must be the one with the minivan!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Jan 2011   #799
jfar

Vista Ult64, Win7600
 
 

You ride around on this horse long enough and see if you don't have two flat tyres as well.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Jan 2011   #800
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

You and Hoppy should carry a spare at all times.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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