Jokes Thread 2

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  1. Posts : 5,840
    Vista Ult64, Win7600
       #801

    Oh I always have a jack in the pack.
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  2. Posts : 11,840
    64-bit Windows 8.1 Pro
       #802

    jfar said:
    Oh I always have a jack in the pack.
    Can you get it up with your jack??
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  3. Posts : 5,840
    Vista Ult64, Win7600
       #803

    Now do you see what you have started.
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  4. Posts : 11,840
    64-bit Windows 8.1 Pro
       #804

    jfar said:
    Now do you see what you have started.
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  5. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #805

    A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

    After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet has passed away."
    The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"
    "Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead," he replied.
    "How can you be so sure", she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

    The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador.
    As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak to it's tail and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room.

    The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

    Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill.
    "150!" she cried. "150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!"

    The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been 20. But what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it all adds up
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  6. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #806



    Pebbly

    Two slaps on the forehead and a head bang on the wall!

    Crying is not for the duck!
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  7. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #807

    Hopalong X said:


    Pebbly

    Two slaps on the forehead and a head bang on the wall!

    Crying is not for the duck!
    I know , I'll get my coat
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  8. Posts : 5,840
    Vista Ult64, Win7600
       #808

    Tews said:
    jfar said:
    Now do you see what you have started.
    Not You, lol, the other Howler.
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  9. Posts : 22,814
    W 7 64-bit Ultimate
       #809

    Tews said:
    jfar said:
    Oh I always have a jack in the pack.
    Can you get it up with your jack??


    Don't be concerned, what can't get up can't get out.
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  10. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #810

    Those wonderful Church Bulletins!

    Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
    --------------------------
    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
    ----------------------------
    The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
    ----------- ---------------
    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
    --------------------------
    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
    --------------------------
    Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
    --------------------------
    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
    --------------------------
    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
    --------------------------
    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
    --------------------------
    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
    --------------------------
    --------------------------
    These two seemed to be connected in some special way.
    ----------------------------------
    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
    --------------------------
    Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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