Jokes Thread 2


  1. Posts : 208
    Windows 7 64 bit
       #891

    One day a man decided to retire...

    He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

    He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

    After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

    She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."

    "Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

    "Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island..

    The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

    "But, where did you get the tools?"

    "Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

    The guy is stunned.

    "Let's row over to my place," she says. So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf.

    As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please."

    "Would you like a drink?"

    "No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

    "It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?"

    Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.

    After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."

    No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

    "This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?" When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias.

    She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

    "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. There's something I'm certain you feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for, right?" She stares into his eyes..

    He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    "You've built a Golf Course?"




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  2. Posts : 17,545
    Windows 10 Pro x64 EN-GB
       #892

    beauparc said:
    One day a man decided to retire...

    He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.
    ...
    ...
    Only two days ago: Jokes Thread 2
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  3. Posts : 11,991
    Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
       #893

    Joan Archer said:
    At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me.. That's all.... Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done..'

    They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.
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  4. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #894

    "Miscommunication"

    A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer.


    He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk.

    So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note.

    About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate.

    Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to........

    Last edited by Hopalong X; 26 Jan 2011 at 09:32.
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  5. Posts : 11,991
    Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
       #895

    Hopalong X said:
    "Miscommunication"

    A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer.


    He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk.

    So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note.

    About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate.

    Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to........

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  6. Posts : 208
    Windows 7 64 bit
       #896

    Only two days ago: Jokes Thread 2


    Oh damn!! My fault........my copy came from Saudi. Didn't see it here.

    Apologies to all
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  7. Posts : 8,399
    ultimate 64 sp1
       #897

    beauparc said:
    Only two days ago: Jokes Thread 2


    Oh damn!! My fault........my copy came from Saudi. Didn't see it here.

    Apologies to all


    it's ok - you've just made a great meta-joke!
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  8. Posts : 256
    Win 7 ultimate x64 sp1
       #898

    reminds me of pen island, a legitimate website selling pens. maybe theirs are particularly sticky?



    disclaimer: not to be confused with the pen islands of hudson bay, ontario. or pen island in louisiana, USA.
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  9. Posts : 1,035
    Vista 64 Ultimate, Windows 7 64 Ultimate, Ubuntu 9.10
       #899

    Is SEX work?


    A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.

    While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"

    A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.

    A Captain said it was 50-50%.

    A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

    There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?

    Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."

    The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?

    "Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

    The room fell silent.

    God Bless the enlisted man
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  10. Posts : 9,606
    Win7 Enterprise, Win7 x86 (Ult 7600), Win7 x64 Ult 7600, TechNet RTM on AMD x64 (2.8Ghz)
       #900

    Fondling in Bed


    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Jokes Thread 2-fondling_in_bed.jpg  
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