Jokes Thread 2

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  1. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #971

    One night, after a couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back.

    He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.

    He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and then the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh.

    By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.

    The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.

    "Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.



    He whispered back, "I found the remote!"
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  2. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #972

    pebbly said:
    One night, after a couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back.

    He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.

    He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and then the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh.

    By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.

    The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.

    "Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.



    He whispered back, "I found the remote!"

    Pebbly,
    Once again you win the ...Jokes Thread 2-ngpeb.png AWARD
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  3. Posts : 9,582
    Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
       #973

    Was she talking from experience?

    Anyhow, I thought that that award was hers already. :) She's certainly earned it!
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  4. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #974

    To please all you lads , a clean joke


    Two hunters hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.

    They managed to bag 6.

    As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said he could take only 4 moose.

    The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same aircraft as yours."

    Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.

    However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.

    Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, Paddy and Mick survived the crash.

    After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where we are?"



    Mick replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
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  5. Posts : 17,545
    Windows 10 Pro x64 EN-GB
       #975

    pebbly said:
    Mick replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
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  6. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #976

    One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing
    home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next
    morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her
    in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely garden. She seems OK,
    but after a while, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair.

    Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten
    her up. Again, she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to
    the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back
    upright. This goes on all morning. Later, the family arrives to see how
    the old woman is adjusting to her new home.

    "So, ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" the son asks.

    "It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
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  7. Posts : 8,399
    ultimate 64 sp1
       #977

    a very a-moose-ing story, pebbly.
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  8. Posts : 9,582
    Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
       #978

    I see Kathryn's back to posting her usual style of jokes. I was quite worried with the one before last. A bit clean I thought, but her latest one, although not as risqué as some of her previous ones, is definitely heading back in the right direction. :)
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  9. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #979

    Specially for Dwarf





    You Are My First



    A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the
    crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground, when he finally
    gets himself to the doctor.
    He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and
    my fiancée is still a virgin in every way."
    The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal
    and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
    So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided
    bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.
    The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his
    honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal
    a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them.
    She says, "You are my FIRST, no one has ever touched these breasts."
    He whips down his pants and says... " Look at this, it's still in the
    CRATE!"

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  10. Posts : 9,606
    Win7 Enterprise, Win7 x86 (Ult 7600), Win7 x64 Ult 7600, TechNet RTM on AMD x64 (2.8Ghz)
       #980

    Bridge Jumper


    A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops. "What are you doing?" he asks.

    "I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.

    While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity so he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?"

    She does. A long, deep, passionate kiss.

    After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"

























    "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......
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