New
#311
Jokes Thread 2
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New #312
So a farmer is driving his truck down an old dusty road when a cop pulls him over and says "Excuse me sir, but your wife fell out of your truck about a quarter mile back!" The farmer looks at the cop and says "REALLY?! Oh thank god, I thought I had gone deaf!"
When a man falls overboard, you say "Man overboard!"
When his wife falls overboard, you say "FULL SPEED AHEAD!"
Yeah...thats the best I have in my arsenal...:)
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New #313
Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial
Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the
editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a
correction the next day.
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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
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Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
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War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
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Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
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Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
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And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
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Posts : 1,210 Windows 7 Ultimate x64 (XP, 98SE, 95, 3.11, DOS 7.10 on VM) + Ubuntu 10.04 LTS Lucid LynxNew #316
I think they shouldn't proof read them too well.
Its things like these that makes newspapers interesting.
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New #317
A blonde walking by a road,
Sees a board saying "50% of blondes are dumb!"
She is filled with anger, she thinks,
And thinks,
And thinks,
And thinks,
And thinks,.....
At last she edits the board saying, "50% of blondes are dumb!"
to "50% of blondes are >Not< dumb!".
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New #318
A man went to a urologist and told him he was having a problem, as he was unable to get his manhood erect.
The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of the organ were damaged from a previous viral infection and there was nothing he could actually do for him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he is willing to take the risk.
The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an elephants trunk into his 'old fella'.
The man thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go through life without sex was too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it.
A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go and try out his newly renovated equipment.
As a result he planned a romantic evening with his girl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely painful. To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his 'old fella' sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and returned to his trousers.
His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face said, "That was incredible! Can you do that again?"
With tears in his eyes he replied, 'I think I can, but I am not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse'
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New #320
Not many people know of this interesting fact!
In 1872 the New Zealanders invented the condom, using a sheep's bladder.
In 1873 the Australians somewhat refined the idea by taking the bladder out of the sheep first..
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