New
#561
Jokes Thread 2
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New #563
Two parrots sat on a perch...
One says "Can you smell fish?"
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New #565
My New ATV
After all these years, I'm finally getting tired of those useless Christmas gifts that always show up.
So I decided to get out early and get something I've always wanted.
I Went out and bought myself one of those all-terrain 4-wheel things.
Wife wasn't too excited about it, but now that she's seen all the fun I've had with it, she agrees it was a good move.
I've enclosed a picture of my friend, (I’m taking the picture) playing with it out in the country.Last edited by Hopalong X; 26 Jan 2011 at 10:32.
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New #567
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Not very many people know this.
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New #569
Mike,
While you were taking the picture I was behind you taking this photo.
This is the real all terrain 4 wheeler that you are capable of driving...........on sidewalks!
Attachment 122401
Sorry Mike,
Couldn't find a safety helmet to go over your Cowboy hat....Last edited by The Howling Wolves; 07 Mar 2011 at 18:44.
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New #570
Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower.
Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet.
As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat. About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament.
They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation,
Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency room.
The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her.
Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."
The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them. I just never saw one mounted and framed."
An elephant asked a camel, "Why are your breasts on your back?"
'Well,' said the camel, 'I think that's an entirely inappropriate question from somebody whose dick is on his face.'
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