Jokes Thread 2

profdlp said:

xarden said:

BB has the recipe for the cake.
Delicious too.

I'll shay itsh delishushush. I drink think I'll make shum more tomorrow..

OHHH my you guys are sooooo funny.. Attachment 123728

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.

They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.

Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back and said,

"OK, I give up. Where's the f-ing ship?"

A Guy

Top Ten Bumper Stickers for the Starship Enterprise

1. Our other starship separates into THREE pieces!
2. One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day...think about it.
3. HONK if you've slept with Commander Riker!
4. Guns don't kill people, Mark VII phaser rifles do.
5. Zero to warp 9.7 in 3 seconds!
6. CAUTION! We have a trigger-happy Klingon at tactical!
7. If you can read this...don't you think you're a wee bit too close?
8. Have you hugged a Ferengi Today?
9. Wesley on board!
10. We break for cubes.

Courtesy: Top Ten Bumper Stickers for the Starship Enterprise

Hehe loving it.

My brain had a Registry Error.

I ran SFC/ scannow.

The report said it found nothing!

My doctor said the CT Scan found the same thing!

I can relate!

Hopalong X said:

My brain had a Registry Error.

I ran SFC/ scannow.

The report said it found nothing!

My doctor said the CT Scan found the same thing!

Mike,
Having the doctor saying he found nothing in the CT Scan was a given.
We all could have told you that, even Topper, before you spent the money!

gladson1976 said:

Top Ten Bumper Stickers for the Starship Enterprise

1. Our other starship separates into THREE pieces!
2. One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day...think about it.
3. HONK if you've slept with Commander Riker!
4. Guns don't kill people, Mark VII phaser rifles do.
5. Zero to warp 9.7 in 3 seconds!
6. CAUTION! We have a trigger-happy Klingon at tactical!
7. If you can read this...don't you think you're a wee bit too close?
8. Have you hugged a Ferengi Today?
9. Wesley on board!
10. We break for cubes.

Courtesy: Top Ten Bumper Stickers for the Starship Enterprise

Fantastic from a person that visits Risa a lot! :)

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?

The Howling Wolves said:

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?

Shouldn't laugh, domestic violence is a serious problem, but this is simply hilarious!