Jokes Thread 2

jfar said:

You'll definitely be banned now for that one, just tell them that you were under the afflence of inkachol, or the gas from the dentist was still in the system.

I did put a warning and yes I am (that's my excuse and I'm staying by it)

If you are standing then you will be banned...If you are slouched in a chair you are excused for your misconduct.
Are you sure he wasn't having a seizure or Parkinson's attack?

The Howling Wolves said:

If you are standing then you will be banned...If you are slouched in a chair you are excused for your misconduct.
Are you sure he wasn't having a seizure or Parkinson's attack?

I'm slouched in my chair with a very fat face ( at least my wrinkles have gone) Still feeling a little "high"

That joke was told to me by the dental nurse ( very straight laced slip of a girl) as she was "prepping " me

pebbly said:

The Howling Wolves said:

If you are standing then you will be banned...If you are slouched in a chair you are excused for your misconduct.
Are you sure he wasn't having a seizure or Parkinson's attack?

I'm slouched in my chair with a very fat face ( at least my wrinkles have gone) Still feeling a little "high"

Can we join you in getting high with a little help from my friends?

The Howling Wolves said:

pebbly said:

The Howling Wolves said:

If you are standing then you will be banned...If you are slouched in a chair you are excused for your misconduct.
Are you sure he wasn't having a seizure or Parkinson's attack?

I'm slouched in my chair with a very fat face ( at least my wrinkles have gone) Still feeling a little "high"

Can we join you in getting high with a little help from my friends?

Of course you can, You're all my friends

Texas Safeway Store :




A man in the Safeway Store in Texas tries to buy half a head of lettuce.

The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager.

The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, “Some a**hole wants to buy half a head of lettuce.” As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added … “and this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.”




The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.



Later the manager said to the boy, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?”

“Canada, sir,” the boy replied.

“Well, why did you leave Canada” the manager asked?



The boy said, “Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there.”

“Really” said the manager? “My wife is from Canada.”

“No s***” replied the boy? “Who'd she play for?”

LPt

pebbly said:

Warning..... This is a very naughty joke ,If you are under 16 or of a nervous disposition, leave the forum now

Two old ladys meet in the park one says to the other "did you come on the bus" the other says "yeah but I made it look like an Asthma attack"

LADYPINKtomato1 said:

Texas Safeway Store :




A man in the Safeway Store in Texas tries to buy half a head of lettuce.

The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager.

The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, “Some a**hole wants to buy half a head of lettuce.” As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added … “and this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.”




The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.



Later the manager said to the boy, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?”

“Canada, sir,” the boy replied.

“Well, why did you leave Canada” the manager asked?



The boy said, “Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there.”

“Really” said the manager? “My wife is from Canada.”

“No s***” replied the boy? “Who'd she play for?”

Fast thinker!

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'