Jokes Thread 2

I had to get it down whilst I still had the idea in my mind. :)

Is there room on your naughty step for both of us?

Dwarf said:

I had to get it down whilst I still had the idea in my mind. :)

Is there room on your naughty step for both of us?

Anytime you want Dwarf always plenty of room here

A couple of drinkin' buddies, who are airplane mechanics, are in the hangar at Logan; it's fogged in and they have nothing to do. One of them says to the other, "Man, have you got anything to drink?"

The other one says, "Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel, and that it will kinda give you a buzz."

So they drink it, get smashed and have a great time; like only drinkin' buddies can do. The following morning, one of them gets up and is surprised he feels good, in fact, he feels great - NO hangover! The phone rings, it's his buddy.

The buddy says, "Hey, how do you feel?"

He said, "I feel great!!", and the buddy says, "I feel great too!! You don't have a hangover?" and he says, "No -that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover - we ought to do this more often."

"Yeah, we could, but there's just one thing....."

"What's that?"

"Did you fart yet?"

"No"

"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Phoenix!"

I'll try to join the club. Here's my application:

When I still was both young and hansom (now I'm only and), I was driving around the Finnish countryside with my first girlfriend. Just before dusk I thought if we could find a country hotel I might get lucky, but then I realized I had no condoms.

We came in to a small village and I saw the traditional sign of a drugstore. I stopped and went in, asking an elderly lady behind the counter if I could have some condoms. She gave me a pack of regular ones but I told her I need something bigger. She looked at me, took another pack and showed it to me. "These are extra large", she said. I told her politely that I knew this label to be too small.

"I think it's better you show me the thing, there's no other way I can find a right size for you", said the lady. I thought it's OK, so I pulled my pants down for her to have a look. "Just a moment, I have to talk with my sister", she said and went to back room, returning in a moment with another older lady.

"Do you have something to offer?", I asked.

The ladies whispered a minute or two with each other. Then first of them came closer, looked my manhood one more time, and said:

"5,000 Mark a month, a Mercedes, a company credit card and a four week yearly holiday!"

Kari

Kari said:

I'll try to join the club. Here's my application:

When I still was both young and hansom (now I'm only and), I was driving around the Finnish countryside with my first girlfriend. Just before dusk I thought if we find a country hotel I might get lucky, but then I realized I had no condoms.

We came in to a small village and I saw the traditional sign of a drugstore. I stopped and went in, asking an elderly lady behind the counter if I could have some condoms. She gave me a pack of regular ones but I told her I need something bigger. She looked at me, took another pack and showed it to me. "These are extra large", she said. I told her politely that I knew this label to be too small.

"I think it's better you show me the thing, there's no other way I can find a right size for you", said the lady. I thought it's OK, so I pulled my pants down for her to have a look. "Just a moment, I have to talk with my sister", she said and went to back room, returning in a moment with another older lady.

"Do you have something to offer?", I asked.

The ladies whispered a minute or two with each other. Then first of them came closer, looked my manhood one more time, and said:

"5,000 Mark a month, a Mercedes, a company credit card and a four week yearly holiday!"

Kari

Very good Kari

It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Centre.

Claude the hypnotist explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch.
It's a very special watch.
It's been in my family for six generations"

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,
"Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch. .. .." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.

Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, the the chain broke, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"SHIT!" said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Citizens Center.
Claude was never invited back to entertain.

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center.

Claude the hypnotist exclaimed, "I'm here to put you into a trance.
I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful, antique pocket watch from his coat.

"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch."

"It's been in my family for six generations. “He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.

Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the swaying watch until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"SHIT!" said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Center .


Claude was never invited back to entertain.

Deja vu...

xarden said:

Deja vu...

all over again!!