Jokes Thread 2

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a
few minutes the old man lets out a loud fart and says "one-nil."
His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"
The old man says, "A goal. I'm ahead one-nil."
A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Goal! One all."
The old boy farts again. "Goal! I'm ahead 2-1."
Now starting to get into this the wife quickly farts again and says,
"Goal! 2 all."
The old man tries to fart again, but cannot. Trying desperately not
to be out-done by his wife, he gives it everything he has to get out
just one more fart.
He strains a little too hard and sh*ts the bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
The old man replies, "Half-time, switch sides."

Pebbly, Pebbly ...back to the steps.....

An older couple at an art exhibition, were staring at a painting that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench.

Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

They asked the curator of the gallery for an interpretation.

He explained how it represented the sexual emasculation of African-Canadians in predominately white, patriarchal society.

"In fact," he said, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.”

After the curator left, a man with a noticeable maritime accent approached the couple and said, "Would yous' like to know what the painting is really all about?"

"How and why," asked the couple, "could you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of this gallery?"

"Because I'm the guy who painted it." he replied.

"In fact, there are no African-Americans shown in the painting at all.

They're just three Cape Breton coal-miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."

Hopalong X said:

Pebbly, Pebbly ...back to the steps.....

creeps away quietly

pebbly said:

Hopalong X said:

Pebbly, Pebbly ...back to the steps.....

creeps away quietly

I'll never look at a 'piece' of biscuit dough quite the same ever again.

Pebbly,
So much for home made bread!

Bare Foot Kid said:

I'll never look at a 'piece' of biscuit dough quite the same ever again.

...and I'll never look at a coal miner quite the same ever again.

Leo Rosten, the great Jewish writer and authority on Jewish humor, listed as one of the characteristics of Jewish humor 'revenge over the oppressor by the use of guile or circumstance'. This is such a story:
Moshe was sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig and menacingly says, “Thanks Jew Boy, whatcha going to do about it?" Moshe burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying. What’s your problem?"

"This is the worst day of my life," Moshe says. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the postman and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then you show up and drink the whole thing!"

"But enough about me, how's your day going?"