Jokes Thread 2

The Howling Wolves · 19 Jul 2011

Dwarf said:

The Howling Wolves said:

Beware of older men....

'I was behind you at McDonalds'

Dennis! That's the last time we're letting you go to McDonalds on your own.

Dwarf,
I suppose you want my daily schedule of when I go to McDonalds so you can join!

Mike(Hopalong X and Nick(PooManUK) have already put in their bids.
THW

Dwarf · 19 Jul 2011

Don't tell me that Mike and Nick were with you at the time? Did you blindfold them or make them wear Topper's blinkers?

The Howling Wolves · 19 Jul 2011

Dwarf said:

Don't tell me that Mike and Nick were with you at the time? Did you blindfold them or make them wear Topper's blinkers?

No, they were sitting at the far table and couldn't see what I was up to!
Both knew I was up to no good by the grin I had on my face when I returned to help
them with their coloring books. Old geezer's can't even stay within the lines!
THW

arkhi · 19 Jul 2011

How many F's are in the following sentence?

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULTS OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEAERS.

Did you count it right?
.sɹǝʇʇǝן xıs ǝɹɐ ǝɹǝɥʇ

Thorsen · 20 Jul 2011

Um... I counted 4?

lol ok i got it now. realized where i missed

A Guy · 20 Jul 2011

6 :)

A Guy

profdlp · 20 Jul 2011

I counted twelve, but then again, I am really drunk.

I'll check back and see how many there are in the morning.

profdlp · 20 Jul 2011

PS: I do not drink. I just make dumb jokes about it.

JMH · 20 Jul 2011

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool

The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool,so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.

He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.

Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my ****ing ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap on me!"

LADYPINKtomato1 · 20 Jul 2011

Stand By Your Man

The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "My dearest, you have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right there. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck."