Jokes Thread 2

Email to wife (wrong recipient)
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile… somewhere, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:



To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Reached Safely
Date: 7th August, 2011
I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and we are allowed to send e-mails to our loved ones.
I’ve just reached safely and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was …

Borg 386 said:

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

nice one

5 OLD LADIES



Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to
catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at
22 KPH.
Says he to himself: "This driver is just as
dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver
over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are
five old ladies,
two in the front seat and three in the
back...wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him
"Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit!
What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't
speeding, but you should know that driving slower than

the speed limit can also be a danger to other
drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was
doing the speed limit exactly...Twenty-two kilometers an hour!" ..the
old woman says a bit proudly.

The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle
explains to her that 22 is the highway number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks
the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to
ask...Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken, and
they haven't made a peep this whole time," the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer.
We just got off Highway 189.."

The Howling Wolves said:

5 OLD LADIES



Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to
catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at
22 KPH.
Says he to himself: "This driver is just as
dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver
over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are
five old ladies,
two in the front seat and three in the
back...wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him
"Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit!
What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't
speeding, but you should know that driving slower than

the speed limit can also be a danger to other
drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was
doing the speed limit exactly...Twenty-two kilometers an hour!" ..the
old woman says a bit proudly.

The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle
explains to her that 22 is the highway number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks
the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to
ask...Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken, and
they haven't made a peep this whole time," the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer.
We just got off Highway 189.."

Fast!

boohbah said:

Bloke goes to the doctors with a rash on his testicles
the doctor sends him down the hall to the nurses room for treatment
the nurse has him take down his pants and underware
after a minute she says to him
"your going to have to stop masturbating"
"why " he says to the nurse
" because im trying to examine you" she says

THE ITALIAN MAN OF THE HOUSE

Tony had just finished reading a new book entitled,

'You Can Be THE Man of Your House.'

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced,
'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal,
you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs
with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.
After wards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.
Then, you will massage my feet and hands.

Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'

His Sicilian wife Gina replied, 'The fin' funeral director would be my first guess.'