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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

13 May 2010   #1021
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Win 10 Pro x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Vector90Ash View Post
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas .

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?'


Margaret looked him over. 'Nope.'


Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'


Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!'

Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'


'Nope', she replied.

'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!'

Without changing her expression, Margaret replied,

'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert.
Shoulda bought a hat
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 May 2010   #1022
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by derekimo View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Vector90Ash View Post
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas .

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?'


Margaret looked him over. 'Nope.'


Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'


Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!'

Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'


'Nope', she replied.

'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!'

Without changing her expression, Margaret replied,

'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert.
Shoulda bought a hat
+1 Hilarious
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 May 2010   #1023
Arc

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Microsoft Windows 10 Pro Insider Preview 64-bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Vector90Ash View Post
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas .

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?'


Margaret looked him over. 'Nope.'


Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'


Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!'

Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'


'Nope', she replied.

'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!'

Without changing her expression, Margaret replied,

'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert.
Shoulda bought a hat
OOPS Oh bad timing
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

15 May 2010   #1024
Fluffy

Windows 7 Home Premium x64
 
 

I woke up bald this morning...........

The missus totally got the wrong idea when I asked her to shave her tw@*
My System SpecsSystem Spec
15 May 2010   #1025
acurasd

Windows 7 Ultimate x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by johnwillyums View Post
This is a bit sick so read no further if you are easily naused out.

Guy works day shift in a railway signal box.
One morning he arrives at work to find his usually miserable night shift colleague grinning from ear to ear.
Guy: "You're happy this morning"
Night shift guy: "I just had the best shift ever, you won't believe it"
Guy: "Tell me"
Night shift guy: "Well it was about 2am and there hadn't been a train for a while so I was just having a read when I looked out of the window and saw this naked woman tied to the track"
Guy: "Wow, what happened"
NSG: "I went outside and untied her and carried her in here"
Guy: "Yeah, what happened then"
NSG: "We made love on that very table! What do you think of that for a shift eh?"
Guy: "Amazing, you lucky devil. Was she like, good looking and stuff?"
NSG "Dunno, never found her head"
*lol*
Those are the best... the quiet ones!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
15 May 2010   #1026
steve-pressman

Windows 7 Ultimate 64 - OEM Service Pack 1
 
 

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 May 2010   #1027
steve-pressman

Windows 7 Ultimate 64 - OEM Service Pack 1
 
 

A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth. The doctor told them that they'd developed a new machine and asked if the couple would like to try it out. The machine could take some of the pain of childbirth from the mother and give it to the father to ease the mother's burden.

Well, they thought that was a good idea, and decided to give it a try. The doctor initially set the machine on 10 percent, telling the man that even 10 percent was probably more pain than he'd ever experienced. But the husband was surprised at how little pain he was feeling, and asked the doctor to raise the level.

The doctor increased it to 20 percent, and when the man still felt fine, he raised it to 50 and finally 100 percent.

After it was all over, the man stood up, and stretched a little. Both he and his wife felt fine, and they shortly left the hospital to take the baby home.

It was then that they found the mailman dead on their doorstep.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 May 2010   #1028
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Win 10 Pro x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by steve-pressman View Post
A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth. The doctor told them that they'd developed a new machine and asked if the couple would like to try it out. The machine could take some of the pain of childbirth from the mother and give it to the father to ease the mother's burden.

Well, they thought that was a good idea, and decided to give it a try. The doctor initially set the machine on 10 percent, telling the man that even 10 percent was probably more pain than he'd ever experienced. But the husband was surprised at how little pain he was feeling, and asked the doctor to raise the level.

The doctor increased it to 20 percent, and when the man still felt fine, he raised it to 50 and finally 100 percent.

After it was all over, the man stood up, and stretched a little. Both he and his wife felt fine, and they shortly left the hospital to take the baby home.

It was then that they found the mailman dead on their doorstep.
Another good one Steve!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 May 2010   #1029
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 May 2010   #1030
noobvious

Win 7 Ultimate 64-bit SP1 (desktop)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by steve-pressman View Post
A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth. The doctor told them that they'd developed a new machine and asked if the couple would like to try it out. The machine could take some of the pain of childbirth from the mother and give it to the father to ease the mother's burden.

Well, they thought that was a good idea, and decided to give it a try. The doctor initially set the machine on 10 percent, telling the man that even 10 percent was probably more pain than he'd ever experienced. But the husband was surprised at how little pain he was feeling, and asked the doctor to raise the level.

The doctor increased it to 20 percent, and when the man still felt fine, he raised it to 50 and finally 100 percent.

After it was all over, the man stood up, and stretched a little. Both he and his wife felt fine, and they shortly left the hospital to take the baby home.

It was then that they found the mailman dead on their doorstep.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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