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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

21 May 2010   #1071
kucing13

 

Is Windows a Virus No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

It's a bug.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
21 May 2010   #1072
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by derekimo View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by DocBrown View Post
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained,

"It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apollogy.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him,

"Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.

"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire."

"When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."

He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke."

"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.

And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her."


Good one Doc!
Hilarious, Doc! Very good.
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21 May 2010   #1073
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Hello Doc, I like that one!
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.

22 May 2010   #1074
kucing13

 

Buy a Mac

I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac.

I was against it and an argument started.

I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.

He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"

And I said "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs."

My System SpecsSystem Spec
22 May 2010   #1075
MattRainier

7 Ultimate x64, Vista Ultimate x64, 7 Pro x64, XP Pro x86, Linux Mint Nadia Cinnamon
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by kucing13 View Post
Buy a Mac

I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac.

I was against it and an argument started.

I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.

He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"

And I said "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs."

LOLAROFL, that made my day right there.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
22 May 2010   #1076
kucing13

 

hahahah. me myself also ROFLMAO
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22 May 2010   #1077
Capt.Jack Sparrow

Windows 7 Ultimate - 64-bit | Windows 8 Pro - 64-bit
 
 

Think Twice Before Saving a Beautiful Girl

Jokes Thread-think-before-saving-suiciding-girl.jpg


My System SpecsSystem Spec
22 May 2010   #1078
kucing13

 

LMAO, gud one capt jack
if i get a beautiful wife, i will "finish her first" before i do the same like in the comic
My System SpecsSystem Spec
22 May 2010   #1079
steve-pressman

Windows 7 Ultimate 64 - OEM Service Pack 1
 
 

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office.

Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.

The manager was stunned, but then told the dog "the sign says you have to be good with a computer." The dog jumped down again and went to the computer.

The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.

The manager said "yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual."













The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, "Miaow!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
22 May 2010   #1080
Dwarf

Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
 
 

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