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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

01 Jun 2010   #1151
kucing13

 

How about drinking while doing yoga?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Jun 2010   #1152
arkhi

Windows 2000 5.0 Build 2195
 
 

The Power of a Badge.....





A DEA officer stops at a ranch in South Dakota , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.


The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "


The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.


A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......




With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....


" Your badge! Show him your BADGE ! "
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Jun 2010   #1153
kucing13

 

Escaped Prisoner

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

02 Jun 2010   #1154
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by arkhi View Post
The Power of a Badge.....





A DEA officer stops at a ranch in South Dakota , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.


The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "


The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.


A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......




With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....


" Your badge! Show him your BADGE ! "


LMAO!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Jun 2010   #1155
Pieloi

Windows 7 Professional x64
 
 

(full stop means end of joke)
A man walks into a bar, second man ducks.

A seal walks into a club.

An Irishman walks out of a pub.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Jun 2010   #1156
kucing13

 

Pass Gass

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Jun 2010   #1157
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by kucing13 View Post
Pass Gass

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.


That's a good one! Jokes Thread-roflmao.gif


My System SpecsSystem Spec
03 Jun 2010   #1158
arkhi

Windows 2000 5.0 Build 2195
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
03 Jun 2010   #1159
Kari

 

A Finnish website, but the joke is in English so you will understand it. An iPad ad...
http://www.riemurasia.net/jylppy/media.php?id=71511
My System SpecsSystem Spec
03 Jun 2010   #1160
wallyinnc

Windows 7 x64 finally!
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by arkhi View Post
OMG, that is how the gravity gun will come to be...
well, at least they are using a torque wrench to tighten the bolts on the LHC
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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