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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

04 Jun 2010   #1181
Tews

64-bit Windows 8.1 Pro
 
 
Jesus is watching you!

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed.

"What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The same kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Jun 2010   #1182
WindowsStar

Windows 7 Enterprise (x64); Windows Server 2008 R2 (x64)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by noobvious View Post
This was not actually intended as a joke, but it certainly is as funny as many jokes......an actual post in another forum today, by someone truly clueless!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Jun 2010   #1183
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Tews View Post
A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed.

"What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The same kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

04 Jun 2010   #1184
Jonathan_King

Windows 7 Professional x64
 
 

That's a joke in and of itself.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Jun 2010   #1185
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Jonathan_King View Post
That's a joke in and of itself.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Jun 2010   #1186
kucing13

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Jonathan_King View Post
That's a joke in and of itself.
this is what we called EPIC FAIL
My System SpecsSystem Spec
05 Jun 2010   #1187
kucing13

 

Things To Do When Your ISP Is Down

1. Dial 911 immediately.

2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past two years.

3. Shower.

4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.

5. Work.


6. Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off.

7. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.

8. You mean there's something else to do?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
05 Jun 2010   #1188
kronckew

Win 7 ultimate x64 sp1
 
 

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!' St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?' 'Couple of minutes ago.'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
05 Jun 2010   #1189
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by kronckew View Post
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!' St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?' 'Couple of minutes ago.'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
05 Jun 2010   #1190
kucing13

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by kronckew View Post
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!' St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?' 'Couple of minutes ago.'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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