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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

09 Jun 2010   #1221
Dinesh

Windows® 8 Pro (64-bit)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
These photo's are showing just before the pain begins...
.Attachment 77515
Should have been riding his Harley!

Attachment 77516
He's getting the bull by the horns. Ouch!
The 2nd incident is wayyyyyyyyy painful...
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09 Jun 2010   #1222
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
 
 
designated what?

A cop decides to stake out a local bar at about 1:30 AM to see if he can catch anyone trying to drive drunk, knowing full well he'll surely be successful with the parking lot full.

Sure enough, at almost 2 AM, a guy come stumbling out, falls against the building and pulls out his keys.

The cops eyes light up and he watches the guys every move.

The guy stumbles over to a car, looks at it, falls over and moves to the next car. The cop is intently watching him as he fumbles with his keys for 5 minutes to find the keyhole. Finally the guy gets in, and another 5 minutes later, the car starts and the cop instantly pulls in behind him, lights flashing.

The cop gives him a breathalyzer test, and amazingly the test comes back "0".

Thinking there's something wrong with his equipment, he pulls out another test unit and it too shows "0".

The cop then tells the man to walk a straight line, which he does perfectly.

As the cop is standing in the now empty parking lot, looking at the guy and scratching his head, the guy says to him:

"That's right, I was the designated decoy"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Jun 2010   #1223
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Borg 386 View Post
A cop decides to stake out a local bar at about 1:30 AM to see if he can catch anyone trying to drive drunk, knowing full well he'll surely be successful with the parking lot full.

Sure enough, at almost 2 AM, a guy come stumbling out, falls against the building and pulls out his keys.

The cops eyes light up and he watches the guys every move.

The guy stumbles over to a car, looks at it, falls over and moves to the next car. The cop is intently watching him as he fumbles with his keys for 5 minutes to find the keyhole. Finally the guy gets in, and another 5 minutes later, the car starts and the cop instantly pulls in behind him, lights flashing.

The cop gives him a breathalyzer test, and amazingly the test comes back "0".

Thinking there's something wrong with his equipment, he pulls out another test unit and it too shows "0".

The cop then tells the man to walk a straight line, which he does perfectly.

As the cop is standing in the now empty parking lot, looking at the guy and scratching his head, the guy says to him:

"That's right, I was the designated decoy"
Smart thinking!!!!
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.

09 Jun 2010   #1224
Jonathan_King

Windows 7 Professional x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Borg 386 View Post
A cop decides to stake out a local bar at about 1:30 AM to see if he can catch anyone trying to drive drunk, knowing full well he'll surely be successful with the parking lot full.

Sure enough, at almost 2 AM, a guy come stumbling out, falls against the building and pulls out his keys.

The cops eyes light up and he watches the guys every move.

The guy stumbles over to a car, looks at it, falls over and moves to the next car. The cop is intently watching him as he fumbles with his keys for 5 minutes to find the keyhole. Finally the guy gets in, and another 5 minutes later, the car starts and the cop instantly pulls in behind him, lights flashing.

The cop gives him a breathalyzer test, and amazingly the test comes back "0".

Thinking there's something wrong with his equipment, he pulls out another test unit and it too shows "0".

The cop then tells the man to walk a straight line, which he does perfectly.

As the cop is standing in the now empty parking lot, looking at the guy and scratching his head, the guy says to him:

"That's right, I was the designated decoy"
I like that one!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Jun 2010   #1225
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Jonathan_King View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Borg 386 View Post
A cop decides to stake out a local bar at about 1:30 AM to see if he can catch anyone trying to drive drunk, knowing full well he'll surely be successful with the parking lot full.

Sure enough, at almost 2 AM, a guy come stumbling out, falls against the building and pulls out his keys.

The cops eyes light up and he watches the guys every move.

The guy stumbles over to a car, looks at it, falls over and moves to the next car. The cop is intently watching him as he fumbles with his keys for 5 minutes to find the keyhole. Finally the guy gets in, and another 5 minutes later, the car starts and the cop instantly pulls in behind him, lights flashing.

The cop gives him a breathalyzer test, and amazingly the test comes back "0".

Thinking there's something wrong with his equipment, he pulls out another test unit and it too shows "0".

The cop then tells the man to walk a straight line, which he does perfectly.

As the cop is standing in the now empty parking lot, looking at the guy and scratching his head, the guy says to him:

"That's right, I was the designated decoy"
I like that one!

+1
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09 Jun 2010   #1226
PooMan UK

Windows 7 Ultimate 64bit
 
 

The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in England.
These are genuine answers from 16 year olds, not very bright, but entertaining, 16 year olds.

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
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09 Jun 2010   #1227
smsff7

Windows 7 Pro X64
 
 

Quote:
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
so funny and so true
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09 Jun 2010   #1228
Kari

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by PooMan UK View Post
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Jun 2010   #1229
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Win 10 Pro x64
 
 

Those are great Nick!
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09 Jun 2010   #1230
Jonathan_King

Windows 7 Professional x64
 
 

What's the difference between a city zoo and a redneck zoo?

In a city zoo, there is a scientific name next to the common name. In a redneck zoo, you have the common name next to a recipe.
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