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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

09 Jun 2010   #1231
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Jonathan_King View Post
What's the difference between a city zoo and a redneck zoo?

In a city zoo, there is a scientific name next to the common name. In a redneck zoo, you have the common name next to a recipe.
Plus all the animals in a redneck zoo have the same DNA!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Jun 2010   #1232
xarden

Windows 7 Enterprise
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Jonathan_King View Post
What's the difference between a city zoo and a redneck zoo?

In a city zoo, there is a scientific name next to the common name. In a redneck zoo, you have the common name next to a recipe.
Plus all the animals in a redneck zoo have the same DNA!


Also why its so hard to solve a murder case in Alabama...
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Jun 2010   #1233
xarden

Windows 7 Enterprise
 
 

Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.'

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'

'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, 'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,

'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

10 Jun 2010   #1234
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by xarden View Post
Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.'

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'

'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, 'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,

'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'

R.I.P. BOB
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Jun 2010   #1235
smarteyeball

 
 

A refuse collector in Cairns, Australia, is driving along a
street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into
his compactor.

He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out,
and in the spirit of kindness, and after having a quick look
about for the bin, he gets out of his truck goes to the front door and knocks. There's no answer.

Being a kindly and conscientious bloke, he knocks again -
much harder.

Eventually a Chinese man comes to the door. "Harro!"
says the Chinese man.

"Gidday, mate! Where's ya bin?" asks the collector.

"I bin on toiret," explains the Chinese bloke, a bit perplexed.

Realising the fellow had misunderstood him, the bin man
smiles and tries again. "No ! No ! Mate, Where's your dust bin?"

"I dust been to toiret, I toll you!'' says the Chinese man, still perplexed.

"Listen," says the collector. "You're misunderstanding me.
Where's your 'wheelie' bin?'"

"OK, OK." replies the Chinese man with a sheepish grin
and whispers in the collector's ear. "I wheelie bin having
sex wiffa wife's sista!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Jun 2010   #1236
severedsolo

Windows 7 Ultimate X64 SP1
 
 

warning   Warning
this joke contains adult humour, you have been warned


On the way home from a visit to a local school a bus crashes, killing 2 nuns and the Mother Superior.

When they reach the pearly gates, they meet St. Peter, who informs them that as heaven is becoming crowded, they are only letting pious people in, so they must answer a question about the Bible.

The first nun steps forward, St Peter asks "Who was the first man?" the nun replies "Adam" and St. Peter says "Congratulations, Welcome to Heaven"

The 2nd nun steps forward, and St. Peter asks "Who was the first woman?" the nun replies "Eve" and and St. Peter says "Congratulations, Welcome to Heaven"

St Peter then says to the remaining woman "As you are the Mother Superior your question will be more difficult. What was the first thing that Eve said to Adam?"

Mother Superior stops and thinks for a while, before saying "Hmm thats a hard one"

"Congratulations, Welcome to Heaven"

warning   Warning
this joke doesn't contain any adult humour at all. You have been warned


A blonde walked into a store to buy curtains.

She went up to the salesman and said, "I want those pink curtains to fit my computer screen.

The salesman mentioned, "Computers don't need curtains."

The blonde said, "Hellooo…. I have windows!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Jun 2010   #1237
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, 'What seems to be the
problem?'

'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched
as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes,
the bees flew out.

'Try it now,' said one bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man
exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'?

The bee answered
Jokes Thread-image004.gif

Jokes Thread-image005.gif


My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Jun 2010   #1238
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Why is there no looting in Tennessee.............................
Jokes Thread-why.jpg


My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Jun 2010   #1239
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
Why is there no looting in Tennessee.............................
Attachment 78106


I wouldn't suggest it here in the Carolinas either.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Jun 2010   #1240
steve-pressman

Windows 7 Ultimate 64 - OEM Service Pack 1
 
 

Some Aussie Humour

CAUTION STRONG ADULT THEME


Sheila was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath.
One of them was washing her private area, and noticed that there was a response on the monitor,when she touched her. They went to her husband Bruce and explained what happened, telling him,"Crazy as this sounds maybe a little oral sex, will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
Bruce was skeptical, but they assured him, that they'd close the curtains for privacy. He finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran into the room. "What happened?

" Bruce replied, "I guess she choked."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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