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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

15 Jun 2010   #1251
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 
 

That's great!
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15 Jun 2010   #1252
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by steve-pressman View Post
This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Sydney University. It was in the local newspaper and even Alan Jones mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.

As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!". Then he turned to his bride and said "F--- you!". Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here."

He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have cancelled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. His revenge... making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.

Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this?

Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends......................................$32,000.

Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion...................................................$3,000.

Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui...................................................$8,500.

The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man........................................................ .... ...............................Priceless.


Revenge is best served cold!
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15 Jun 2010   #1253
Kari

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 

Revenge so sweet helps to keep going: He can not help smiling whenever he starts to think her or the ruined marriage. And smiling heals.
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.

18 Jun 2010   #1254
Tews

64-bit Windows 8.1 Pro
 
 
Praise the Lord... ;)

There was a little old lady, who every morning stepped onto her front porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted: 'PRAISE THE LORD!'

One day an atheist moved into the house next door. He became irritated with the little old lady.
Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her and yell: 'THERE IS NO LORD!'

Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way every day.

One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and shouted: 'PRAISE THE LORD! Please Lord, I have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord!

The next morning she stepped out onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there.

'PRAISE THE LORD!' she cried out. 'HE HAS PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR ME!'

The atheist neighbor jumped out and shouted:
'THERE IS NO LORD - I BOUGHT THOSE GROCERIES!!'

The little old lady shouted: 'PRAISE THE LORD! HE HAS PROVIDED ME WITH GROCERIES AND MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM!'
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18 Jun 2010   #1255
Kari

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 

Good one, Tom!

Have you heard about the butler of Pope? He had served several Pope's, over 40 years. Every morning, precisely at 6 AM, his first job of the day was to wake the Pope up.

Over 40 years, every morning, he went to Pope's chanbers, opened the curtains, and woke the Pope up by saying "Good morning, your holiness. It's six o'clock, and our dear Lord has decided to give us a beautiful, sunny day", always according to the weather. On rainy days it would be "Good morning, your holiness. It's six o'clock, and our dear Lord has decided to give us some rain today" etc.

Whatever the weather was, whoever the Pope was, the answer was always the same: "I know, my son. God has already told that to me".

The butler could not believe the Pope always already knew the weather. So, the last day before the retirement, he once more went to Pope's chambers, opened the curtains, and said "Good morning, your holiness. It's six o'clock, and our dear Lord has decided to give us a beautiful, sunny day".

Once again, the Pope answered, even before opening his eyes: "I know, my son. God has already told that to me".

Laughing out loud, really ing and ing, jumping and running around the Pope's chambers, the butler could finally speak, and told the Pope: "Oh f*** you know! I knew this! It's past noon and it's raining cats and dogs out there!".
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19 Jun 2010   #1256
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?' The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

'You got Male


Attached Images
Jokes Thread-cid_8a2072b62b214334a18a3b15a86bfd11-leah593ae139dd.gif 
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19 Jun 2010   #1257
Dom

Windows Seven Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by BrightBlessings View Post
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?' The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

'You got Male

Can't stop laughing!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
19 Jun 2010   #1258
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by BrightBlessings View Post
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?' The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

'You got Male


That is a good one!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
19 Jun 2010   #1259
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by BrightBlessings View Post
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?' The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

'You got Male
That's great! I like the eye wink you added when you click the pic!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
19 Jun 2010   #1260
johnwillyums

Windows 7 Home Premium 64 bit
 
 

Yeah. Nice one Bright Blessings Welcome to Seven Forums. IDABIMS
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