Windows 7 Forums
Welcome to Windows 7 Forums. Our forum is dedicated to helping you find support and solutions for any problems regarding your Windows 7 PC be it Dell, HP, Acer, Asus or a custom build. We also provide an extensive Windows 7 tutorial section that covers a wide range of tips and tricks.


Windows 7: Jokes Thread

14 Sep 2009   #121
wallyinnc

Windows 7 x64 finally!
 
 
20 most bizarre Craigslist adverts of all time

A little long but worth it.

1) Ralph Nader chair
"Yes, that's right. Ralph Nader, perennial Green Party candidate for the U.S. presidency MAY have sat in this very chair! It was used in his Washington, DC campaign headquarters until I purchased it on Craiglist several months ago. It has a nice red, commie upholstery and a sleek black plastic backing. The wheels don't function well, but that is a small price to pay for state control of the means of production."

2) I want some orange juice
"I'll give you $2 + cost if you'll deliver me some orange juice with receipt. I'm too lazy to get it myself. I live right by University Drive in Elon. Thank you."

3) Seeking adult drunk clown for 30th birthday party
"We need an Adult Drunk Clown who is good at getting drunk and stupid. No need to do any clown tricks, just hang out and drink a **** load. We will be hopping around to different bars and want a clown to tag a long and drink heavely. He doesn't even need to socialize with anyone, just drink."

4) Duck mask
"Full head rubber mask, old, has discoloration on white feather part from age, storage. Hey I got it on my big head, so it works that way."

5) Woman to sit in my bath tub full of noodles, wearing a bathing suit
"I will pay you $1 to sit in my bathtub full of noodles while you wear a one piece bathing suit. I will not be home, nor will anyone else while you do this. I will leave the key for you, and you will sit at your leisure. DO NOT bring any sauce. I will season the pasta after I return home prior to dinner."

6) Wanted: Pony
"My kid is having a birthday coming up soon, and there'll be a lot of children around, so I figured I'd better get a pony. If you do have a pony you could sell, please contact me, and then immediately start putting barbeque sauce in it's bedding or add some Lawry's to it's salt lick - I like to marinade it early and long, so that the flavor is at it's peak by the time I take possession."

7) I have a huge bathroom
"I am a female in my mid 60's and I am looking for a room mate. Times are tight and I need some extra money. I am willing to rent out my bathroom in my 1 bedroom east village home. My bathroom is large. You can easily put a twin air mattress in there. I only ask that when I need to use the bathroom, you or your air mattress are not in it. I do ask that when you are in the apartment, you confine yourself to the bathroom. I do not feel comfortable with a stranger walking around my living room. This might change as I get to know you better."

8) Pope hats
"Because of this terrible economy, I'm having to shut down my business. I have OVER 1300 Pope hats (replicas) that I REALLY need to get rid of. The pope hats came from China and are a little too small for most adult heads and are also irritating to the skin, so you would need to have long hair or wear a smaller hat underneath (just like the REAL POPE). Dogs do not like to wear these pope hats, but maybe a large cat or maybe a nice dog would wear one."

9) Need someone to hide easter eggs in my apartment when im not home
"I need someone to hide easter eggs in my apt when i am not there ! They are small and filled with candy! I would like to find them myself on sunday! I am willing to pay! Serious inquiries only!"

10) Free couch, if you can bend time and/or space
"I have a free couch for anyone who can get it back out of my room. It's a comfy couch, cool stripe velvet in great shape, impossibly uncomfortable sleeper, but otherwise easily worth $50-75 bucks in Craigslist land. So why am I listing in for free? Because I am pretty sure it is physically impossible to remove this thing from my second story bedroom down the narrow hallway, down the narrower staircase and out the front door of my little Victorian duplex."

11) I took your purse and felt a connection
"Tuesday night around 11:30. On 53rd btw 1st and 2nd. You came out of the subway and I followed you. You looked over your shoulder, saw me and started walking faster. I ran up, grabbed your arm, took your purse and ran away. I've done many a snatch-and-grab but no one has ever stuck in my mind like you. There was a quick moment when our eyes met that I felt something strong. I think you felt it too. If I wasn't so shy (or so committing a crime) I would have asked your name. I, of course, later got your name from your drivers license. So Jennifer if you'd like to get together for a drink sometime get back to me."

12) Looking for bridesmaids
"So, my fiancee and I are getting married in June. He has 8 groomsmen lined up and I only have one bridesmaid. So, I need some girls who are attractive and around my age to stand up in my wedding. You can be single or taken. It doesn't matter....you just have to be hot. But, not hotter then me. Email me for more information. The wedding will be in Madison and you won't have to pay for a thing."

13) Do you have a small, incontinent dog?
"Or perhaps you work for a small dog rescue of some sort. Either way, I have a package of small doggy diapers. I don't want to throw them out coz they are pretty expensive. (as someone with a small, incontnent dog would already know). Please don't try to put them on a cat. It won't work. Trust me."

14) My teeth
"I left my Dentures in your Silverado last night. I gave you my number but did not get yours. Please call me asap. I need my teeth. We met in the parking lot of Margarita Jones. Get back to me asap please. Thank you."

15) Disgruntled American seeks Canadian for political asylum, maybe more
"Are you a lonely, possibly desperate Canadian woman aged 18-50? Tired of trying to find a good man among your flannel clad, Labatt's drinking, moose hunting country men? Willing to take in an American who is fed up with his country? Then I'm the guy for you! Maybe you're a bit overweight or suffer from "Lifelong Ugly Duckling" syndrome. I don't care."

16) Autographed copy of Plato's Republic
"1st edition of The Republic signed by its author. There is of course a reasonable amount of wear and tear, (light highlighting and underlining, dog-eared pages, back cover missing, etc.), but it is in overall good condition considering its age."

17) Ferocious attack kitten
"This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear - however he will bite your face if you try to touch it. For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house."

18) Free - international ketchup packet collection
"This is a collection of ketchup packets from around the world. approximately 25 countries are represented here, including japan, finland, estonia, greenland, brazil, and portugal. none of the packets have been opened and they are labeled with their home country. Collection comes in decorative box with ducks on it."

19) Personal texting assistant
"I get 40 - 50 texts an hour, I cant handle my workload plus texting responsibilities. My phone gets too full and needs deleted every couple hours. This is a full time position and you must be where ever I am at, because my phone is always with me. Serious inquiries only."

20) 300 stuffed penguins
"I'm going through a pretty weird time in my life right now--having just gone through a break-up and graduated college and temporarily living in my parents' house before I move out for good in in the fall, though I remain unemployed because my philosophy degree is at *such* a premium--and sifting through my room (which has become a strange amalgam of my adolescence and burgeoning adulthood), it's been brought to my attention that I probably won't "catch a man" or have anyone believe I'm about to turn 23 with 300 penguins and a bunch of purple furniture around, that looking at my current room one might think some sort of 13-year-old with developmental issues is living here."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
15 Sep 2009   #122
crazzycat

windows xp
 
 

"24 dollars women are paying for undershorts with holes in the crotch. Daggone, I got a whole drawer full of them at the house."

---------------
Have seen all myspace backgrounds,wanna bet?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
17 Sep 2009   #123
VoX

 
Baby Bull

On this dairy farm lived 3 bulls. They got news that the farmer had just purchased a new bull who was on the way to the farm.

The old bull was large and strong and as he stood there looking at all the cows said to the other 2 bulls:
"Life is good, I service 50% of the cows on this farm, I am happy."

The second bull, smaller in stature looked at the cows and agreed:
"Yes, life is good. I service 35% of the cows on this farm, I too am happy."

The third bull, a very young bull whose horns had just started to protrude from his head also agreed:
"Aye, I am still so young and yet I service 15% of the cows on this farm, life is definately good."

While all this is happening they see a truck with a huge trailer behind it coming up the road. The trailer has been badly dented and mangled from the inside. The truck stops and the driver gets out and opens the back of the trailer. Out steps this monster of a bull, HUGE and powerful with massive horns.

The old bull of the farm takes one look at this and nervously states:
"Uhh... He can have half the cows I service, I don't mind, really..."

The second bull sees the brute bull and quickly follows suit:
"Yes, yes, he can have half the cows I service too..."

They both look at the young bull and are startled to see what they see. The young bull is staring straight at the brute bull and snorting and getting ready to charge him...

"What the hell do you think you are doing?!!!!!!" asks the old bull to the young bull...

The young bull looks at the old bull and says:
"I am just trying to make sure that he knows that I am a bull..."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

17 Sep 2009   #124
VoX

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by masterB View Post
Math Problem:
There are 7 girls on a bus(no bus driver).
Each girl is carrying 7 backpacks.
In each backpack, there are 7 big cats.
For every big cat there are 7 little cats.

Question:
How many legs are there on the bus?




238...
My System SpecsSystem Spec
17 Sep 2009   #125
Cookieman

Windows 7/Linux
 
 

Just a pic I received in my emails recently...


Attached Images
Jokes Thread-hartlepool.jpg 
My System SpecsSystem Spec
18 Sep 2009   #126
Joan Archer

Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by VoX View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by masterB View Post
Math Problem:
There are 7 girls on a bus(no bus driver).
Each girl is carrying 7 backpacks.
In each backpack, there are 7 big cats.
For every big cat there are 7 little cats.

Question:
How many legs are there on the bus?






238...
I always thought buses had wheels not legs
My System SpecsSystem Spec
18 Sep 2009   #127
Antman

 

MythBusters

...


Attached Images
Jokes Thread-underthebus_oxy.jpg 
My System SpecsSystem Spec
18 Sep 2009   #128
Dinesh

Windows® 8 Pro (64-bit)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Antman View Post
MythBusters

...
LOL.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
18 Sep 2009   #129
masterB

Windows 7 Professional x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Joan Archer View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by VoX View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by masterB View Post
Math Problem:
There are 7 girls on a bus(no bus driver).
Each girl is carrying 7 backpacks.
In each backpack, there are 7 big cats.
For every big cat there are 7 little cats.

Question:
How many legs are there on the bus?






238...
I always thought buses had wheels not legs
Me too.

Question was how many legs inside the bus.


Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Antman View Post
MythBusters

...
How many legs under that bus?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
19 Sep 2009   #130
VoX

 

238...[/quote]
I always thought buses had wheels not legs [/QUOTE]




My second great laugh at myself on this site...
My System SpecsSystem Spec
Closed Thread

Thread Tools


Similar help and support threads
Thread Forum
Jokes Thread [4]
No sex after surgery ... A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
Chillout Room
Computer jokes!
Rules: ------------------ One joke per post No repeating of jokes ------------------ Il start: What do you call a computer with no graphics?
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread [3]
:note: continued from - https://www.sevenforums.com/chillout-room/106614-jokes-thread-2 ****** 22 ADULT TRUTHS ****** 1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you...
Chillout Room
IT Jokes
If you can read German, then you will appreciate: Die schlechtesten IT-Witze - Derber Humor ohne Gewähr | TecChannel.de
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread 2
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! :D I will start first! :p A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."...
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
Person 1:Knock Knock Person 2:Whos there? Person 1: Boo Person 2: Boo who? :huh: Person 1: ZOMG WHY U CRYIN??!? :p
Chillout Room


Our Sites

Site Links

About Us

Find Us

Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

© Designer Media Ltd

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 22:05.
Twitter Facebook Google+ Seven Forums iOS App Seven Forums Android App