New
#1311
Two goldfish were in a tank.
One says to the other, "You take the gun and I'll drive."
Jokes Thread
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New #1315
Viewer Discretion Advised!
A guy was driving down the road in his car.
A prostitute walks out in front of him. He smacks her with the bumper
of his car and knocks her down.
He immediately stops the car, jumps out and runs to the lady lying
on her back on the road. She is groaning in pain. She mumbles,
"I think I'm blind, I think I'm blind..."
Quickly the guy holds three fingers up in front of her and says,
"How many fingers do I have up?"
"Oh my God," she says. "I'm paralyzed too!!!!!!!"
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New #1316
Dear Dad....
A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed
was nicely made, and that everything was picked up and tidy.
Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed,
'Dad.'
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the
letter, with trembling hands.
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing to you. I had to
elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with
Mum and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I
knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings',
tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much
older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really
hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with
the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and
ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so
Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know
your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in
life than the School report that's on the kitchen table.
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New #1317
Web URLs that didn't come out right
Experts Exchange – a site where programmers can trade advice – is found at expertsexchange.com
La Drape – a British company selling high-end quilted bedspreads – is listed at ladrape.co.uk
American Scrap Metal – a scrap metal recycling firm – americanscrapmetal
Speed of Art – a collective or art designers – are online at speedofart.com
Therapist Finder – a directory for therapy services – can be located at therapistfinder.com
Pen Island's home page, penisland.net
Les Bocages, a British firm of tree surgeons working in France who are named after the French word for "groves" but also have the unfortunate web moniker lesbocages.com.
Big Al's bowling alley in Vancouver ended up with Ilovebigals.com
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