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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

20 Sep 2009   #131

XP_Pro, W7_7201, W7RC.vhd, SciLinux5.3, Fedora12, Fedora9_2x, OpenSolaris_09-06

14 legs on the bus
My System SpecsSystem Spec
20 Sep 2009   #132


Two many people here riding the little bus.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
21 Sep 2009   #133

Windows 7 Home Premium 64 bit

Are we assuming that all the girls and all the cats have more than the average number of legs.
The number of amputees in any sample would significantly lower the average
My System SpecsSystem Spec

25 Sep 2009   #134

Windows 7 Ultimate 32bit

Glad to be drunk

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

0 to 200 in 6 seconds

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Poor guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Sep 2009   #135

Windows 7 Home Premium [64-Bit]

I truly apologize if this joke was posted earlier.
An ultimately awesome limousine stops on a red traffic light. Seconds after the limousine stops, a crappy banged up trabant driven at an insane speed crashes into the back of the limo. The limousine touchscreen computer shows a dialog immediately: "New hardware detected. Would you like to install the freakin' drunk driver?"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
28 Sep 2009   #136

Vista Ultimate X64/ Windows 7 Dual-boot

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had
not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of
the main computers resolved, he dialled the employee's home phone number
and was greeted with a child's whisper. ' Hello?'

'Is your daddy home?' he asked.

' Yes,' whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?'

The child whispered, 'No.'

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your
Mummy there?' 'Yes'

'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, 'No'

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
asked, 'Is anybody else there?'

'Yes,' whispered the child, 'a policeman. '

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'

'No, he's busy,' whispered the child.

'Busy doing what?'

'Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman,' came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through
the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'

'A helicopter' answered the whispering voice.

'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.Again,
whispering, the child answered,

' The search team just landed a helicopter'

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they
searching for?'

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...

My System SpecsSystem Spec
29 Sep 2009   #137

Windows 7 x64 finally!

The blonde went to the doctor with a sore throat
After examining her, he said "you have acute laryngitis"
To what she replied: "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
30 Sep 2009   #138


just read that the local police station has had its toilet stolen..... the cops have nothing to go on................
My System SpecsSystem Spec
30 Sep 2009   #139

Windows® 8 Pro (64-bit)

Jokes Thread-best_way_to_wash.jpg

My System SpecsSystem Spec
30 Sep 2009   #140

Windows 7 7600 OEM

well, new teacher comes to a school, first class is small children... says "my name is Miss FRANNY... anyone remember tomorrow morning, gets an apple..." Billy thinks, "easy... it's fanny with an 'R' ".... NEXT MORNING... "hello children, who remembers my name..?" Billy's hand is STRAIGHT up.. "ok, Billy what is it ?" answers Billy " Mis CRUNT..."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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