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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

06 Jul 2010   #1421
DocBrown

Win7 Enterprise, Win7 x86 (Ult 7600), Win7 x64 Ult 7600, TechNet RTM on AMD x64 (2.8Ghz)
 
 

The First Recorded Senior Moment‏


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Jokes Thread-senior_moment.jpg 
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06 Jul 2010   #1422
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by DocBrown View Post
The First Recorded Senior Moment‏


That's a good one.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Jul 2010   #1423
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by DocBrown View Post
The First Recorded Senior Moment‏
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

06 Jul 2010   #1424
Arc

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Microsoft Windows 10 Pro Insider Preview 64-bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by DocBrown View Post
The First Recorded Senior Moment‏
I think it is the time machine generated answer to the question "why dynos vanished ".
My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Jul 2010   #1425
Kirsch

Windows 7 Ultimate
 
 

You know you are from Wisconsin when...

Your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday.
You refer to the Packers as "we."
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on
the highway.
"Vacation" means going up nort' to Crivitz for the weekend.
You measure distance in hours.
You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
You use a down comforter in the summer - and gloves.
You drive at 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard,
without flinching.
You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.
You think of the major food groups as venison, fish, and berries.
There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Fleet Farm at
any given time.
You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road
construction.
It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you're
in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.
You buy your Christmas presents at Fleet Farm.
You know what cow-tipping is.
You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to
use them.
You define summer as three months of bad sledding.
Your definition of a small town is one that has only one bar.
Snow tires come standard on all your cars.
At least 50% of your relatives work on a dairy farm.
You have gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.
You can identify an Illinois or Michigan accent.
You learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off
your bike.
Down South to you means Chicago.
Traveling coast to coast means going from La Crosse to Milwaukee.
The "Big Three" means Miller, Old Milwaukee & PBR.
You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
You know a brat is something you eat and Eau Claire is not.
You were offended by the movie "Fargo".
You have no problem spelling Milwaukee.
You can pronounce and spell Oconomowoc.
You know where Waukesha is and can pronounce it.
You consider Madison exotic.
You got a passport to go to Minnesota.
Your ides of foreign culture is listening to Da Yoopers.
You know what a bubbler is.
Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.
A Friday night out is taking your girlfriend shining for deer.
Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your
blue spruce.
You go out for fish fry every Friday.
You can recognize someone from Illinois from their driving.
You've seen a hodag.
You know how to polka.
Formal wear is a flannel shirt, blue jeans & a baseball cap.
You used to think Deer Season was a national holiday.
You know Gotham is a real city.
You can make sense out of the words upnort and Trivers.
You decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend.
You can visit Luxemburg, Holland, Belgium, Denmark, Berlin, New London
& Poland all in one afternoon.
You only know three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
You go to work in a snowsuit in the morning and return home wearing
shorts.
You've seen mosquitoes with landing lights.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
You enjoy driving in the winter because the potholes fill in with
snow.
Your sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
The local paper covers major headlines on 1 page, but requires 4 pages
for sports.
At least twice a year, your kitchen doubles as a meat processing
plant.
Your children describe their summer vacation out of state as a "trip
to Door County."
You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
You have caught a fish in Lake Michigan and it glowed in the dark.
You define swimming season as Labor Day weekend.
Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.
You find 0 degrees a little chilly.
The snow on your roof in August weighs more than you do.
You have been involved in a "drive-by hay bailing".
You drink "soda" and refer to your dad as "pop".
My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Jul 2010   #1426
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

From my brother the Marine
Polly Want Some Bloodshed?

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty.
He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he
heard a loud voice say, “Jesus is watching you!”
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward. “Jesus is watching you!”
the voice boomed again.
The frightened burglar stopped dead. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner,
he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said, ‘Jesus is watching me?’”
“Yes”, replied the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot, “What's your name?”
“Clarence,” said the bird.
“That's a dumb name for a parrot,” sneered the burglar. “What idiot named you Clarence?”
“The same idiot who named the pit bull Jesus.”
My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Jul 2010   #1427
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Arc View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by DocBrown View Post
The First Recorded Senior Moment‏
I think it is the time machine generated answer to the question "why dynos vanished ".
ARC this is a fantastic new Sig..you're sporting today.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Jul 2010   #1428
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by DocBrown View Post
The First Recorded Senior Moment‏
Doc I relate....lol... more so... when I can't locate things I put away..
then can't find when I need them.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Jul 2010   #1429
MWRed

Windows 7 Home Premium
 
 

Quote:
You know you are from Wisconsin when...


You refer to the Packers as "we." - Guilty
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on
the highway. - true
You measure distance in hours. - of course
You know several people who have hit deer more than once. - I've hit 5 total...
You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again. - Yup
You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events. - Yup
You buy your Christmas presents at Fleet Farm. - Yeah, done that....shhhh
You know what cow-tipping is.
You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to
use them. - hahaha...yup
Your definition of a small town is one that has only one bar. - My hometown had 1100 ppl and 3 bars( 2 more on the backroads outside of town also)
At least 50% of your relatives work on a dairy farm. - I was a dairy farmer
You learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off
your bike. - well, was driving tractor at age 11
Traveling coast to coast means going from La Crosse to Milwaukee. - haha
The "Big Three" means Miller, Old Milwaukee & PBR. - hell yeah
You know where Waukesha is and can pronounce it.- yup
You consider Madison exotic. - Closest thing to exotic we have down here
Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed. - We did this when we built a pole-barn shed
You can recognize someone from Illinois from their driving. - always
You've seen a hodag. - been to one
Formal wear is a flannel shirt, blue jeans & a baseball cap. - yup
You know Gotham is a real city. - true
You only know three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. - that's all we need
You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit. - that's no lie
You've seen mosquitoes with landing lights. - yeah, no joke
The local paper covers major headlines on 1 page, but requires 4 pages
for sports. - Hahaha....that's true, and Sports gets looked at before anything else usually
At least twice a year, your kitchen doubles as a meat processing
plant. - Guilty of that
You find 0 degrees a little chilly. - Just a bit


Yeah, pretty scary isn't it. So much truth to these,lol.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Jul 2010   #1430
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Engineers' Conversion Table

1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon

9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone

14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle

16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

17. 52 cards = 1 decacards

18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton

19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen

20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

22. 10 rations = 1 decoration

23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration

24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram

25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms

26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University
Hospital = 1 IV League

27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision
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