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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

07 Jul 2010   #1441
MWRed

Windows 7 Home Premium
 
 

Haha......no further comment.
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07 Jul 2010   #1442
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by LADYPINKtomato1 View Post
Aunt Mildred.....
Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, 'Your heart would be just below your left breast'.



Later that night.............. Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee...
Doctor should have advised her where her left breast USED to be!
Of course, at our age, there are a lot of things in different locations.
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07 Jul 2010   #1443
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

t r u e !!!
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.

07 Jul 2010   #1444
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

How To Sell Toothbrushes!!!

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:

"I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher..

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.

The teacher held her breath ...

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes, " said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes! " echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog s**t!"

Then I would say,"It is dog s**t. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

"I used the governmental approach of giving you something shi**y for free, and then making you pay to get the shi**y taste out of your mouth."
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07 Jul 2010   #1445
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by LADYPINKtomato1 View Post
How To Sell Toothbrushes!!!

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:

"I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher..

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.

The teacher held her breath ...

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes, " said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes! " echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog s**t!"

Then I would say,"It is dog s**t. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

"I used the governmental approach of giving you something shi**y for free, and then making you pay to get the shi**y taste out of your mouth."

I want to buy a toothbrush............for that sh**y joke!
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07 Jul 2010   #1446
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

Meet me downtown on the busiest corner there !!!!!
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07 Jul 2010   #1447
vierasniper

Windows 7 Ultimate
 
 

A Dyslexic man walks into a Bra.
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08 Jul 2010   #1448
elsuirad

Windows® 7 Home Basic 64bit, Build 7600
 
 

A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a very pretty female doctor.

The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99' ".

The guy obeys and says,"99".

The doctor says, "Great". Now turn over on your left side and again, while repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99".

Again, the guy says, '99'."

The doctor said,"Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, '99'.

The guy begins, "One ... Two ...Three".
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08 Jul 2010   #1449
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by elsuirad View Post
A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a very pretty female doctor.

The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99' ".

The guy obeys and says,"99".

The doctor says, "Great". Now turn over on your left side and again, while repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99".

Again, the guy says, '99'."

The doctor said,"Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, '99'.

The guy begins, "One ... Two ...Three".
My System SpecsSystem Spec
08 Jul 2010   #1450
elsuirad

Windows® 7 Home Basic 64bit, Build 7600
 
 

For those not aware of Indian geography, the Taj Mahal is near the city of AGRA
(hence the "pun" on the word).
CLEVER AD FROM INDIA.
The Smartest AD FROM INDIA !!


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