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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

08 Jul 2010   #1451
WindowsStar

Windows 7 Enterprise (x64); Windows Server 2008 R2 (x64)
 
 

A man is in bed with his new bride; they have just made love and he tells her in a soft calm voice, "Honey I just want you to know that I am not a man that has to make love all the time, I have a system that will help me know when you want to make love or when you do not want to make love." The wife replies, "Wow how considerate you are I knew I married a great man." The husband replies, "Here is what you need to do; every night when we get into bed reach over and grab my penis tenderly and if you want to make love rub it up and down 2 times." The wife smiles with a evil grin and says, "...and if I don't want to make love?". The husband says, "....reach over and grab my penis tenderly and rub it up and down 200 times."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
08 Jul 2010   #1452
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the
other, and then throws the milk away...

AMERICAN CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

FRENCH CAPITALISM You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and
block the roads, because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it
worldwide.

GERMAN CAPITALISM You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for
100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

ITALIAN CAPITALISM You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

RUSSIAN CAPITALISM You have two cows. You count them and learn you have
five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and
open another bottle of vodka.

SWISS CAPITALISM You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge
the owners for storing them.

CHINESE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You
claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

INDIAN CAPITALISM You have two cows. You worship them.

BRITISH CAPITALISM You have two cows. Both are mad.

AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You invite 200 mates over for a barbie.

MacQUARIE BANK CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company,
using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get
all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows and a management fee
stream for six cows. The milk rights of the seven cows are transferred via
an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority
shareholder who sells the rights to all eight cows back to your listed
company. The annual report says the company owns nine cows, with an option
on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States,
leaving you with ten cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The
public then buys your bull.

NEW ZEALAND CAPITALISM
You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons
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08 Jul 2010   #1453
Dinesh

Windows® 8 Pro (64-bit)
 
 

LOL brightblessings. Very funny.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

08 Jul 2010   #1454
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
 
 

Remember the vows


Attached Images
Jokes Thread-att00133.jpg 
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08 Jul 2010   #1455
gladson1976

Windows 7 Ultimate x64 (XP, 98SE, 95, 3.11, DOS 7.10 on VM) + Ubuntu 10.04 LTS Lucid Lynx
 
 

Nice avatar Dinesh Bring back old memories
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08 Jul 2010   #1456
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit.

There's a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table,
so, John and his friends start snacking on them.

When they are ready to leave, his friends say,
Nice to meet you, ma'am and thank you for the peanuts."

Grand says, "You are most welcome.
Ever since I lost my dentures, all I can do is suck the chocolate off of them."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
08 Jul 2010   #1457
Kirsch

Windows 7 Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit.

There's a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table,
so, John and his friends start snacking on them.

When they are ready to leave, his friends say,
Nice to meet you, ma'am and thank you for the peanuts."

Grand says, "You are most welcome.
Ever since I lost my dentures, all I can do is suck the chocolate off of them."
lol SICK
My System SpecsSystem Spec
08 Jul 2010   #1458
Kirsch

Windows 7 Ultimate
 
 

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I’d probably just start calling out letters.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Jul 2010   #1459
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit.

There's a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table,
so, John and his friends start snacking on them.

When they are ready to leave, his friends say,
Nice to meet you, ma'am and thank you for the peanuts."

Grand says, "You are most welcome.
Ever since I lost my dentures, all I can do is suck the chocolate off of them."
GREAT new Sig...I really like it !!!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Jul 2010   #1460
Dinesh

Windows® 8 Pro (64-bit)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by gladson1976 View Post
Nice avatar Dinesh Bring back old memories
Yes indeed.
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