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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

13 Jul 2010   #1501
mickey megabyte

ultimate 64 sp1
 
 

there are some crackers in there, tom!


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My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Jul 2010   #1502
Kari

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Tews View Post
An idle mind is . . . the best way to relax.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Jul 2010   #1503
severedsolo

Windows 7 Ultimate X64 SP1
 
 

I especially like these ones

Quote:
If at first you don't succeed . . . get new batteries.

When the blind lead the blind . . . get out of the way.

People in glass houses shouldn't . . . run around naked.

It's always darkest before . . . daylight savings time.
Here are some funny UK GCSE exam answers from last year, Please Remember, these are all True!

. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

This last one is my absolute favourite,
Q:Name 6 Animals that live in the Arctic.
A: 4 Polar bears and (3 was originally written and then crossed out to make) 2 Seals.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

13 Jul 2010   #1504
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Tews View Post
A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. He gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb,
and asked them to come up with the rest.
Here is what the kids came up with: ...
Kids say the darndest things.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Jul 2010   #1505
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by severedsolo View Post
Here are some funny UK GCSE exam answers from last year, Please Remember, these are all True!

. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

This last one is my absolute favourite,
Q:Name 6 Animals that live in the Arctic.
A: 4 Polar bears and (3 was originally written and then crossed out to make) 2 Seals.[/QUOTE]

These are great.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Jul 2010   #1506
DocBrown

Win7 Enterprise, Win7 x86 (Ult 7600), Win7 x64 Ult 7600, TechNet RTM on AMD x64 (2.8Ghz)
 
 
Old Age Golf

Old Age Golf



Arthur is 90 years old.

He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago.
One day he arrives home looking downcast.


"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball,I can't see where it went."


His wife sympathizes. As they sit down, she has a suggestion: "Why don't you take my brother with you, and give it one more try."


"That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is a hundred and three. He can't help."


"He may be a hundred and three," says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."


So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.
He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway.


He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball?"


"Of course I did!", says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."


"Where did it go?" asks Arthur.










"Can't remember."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Jul 2010   #1507
Dwarf

Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
 
 

A few more:

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning. (See below for video explanation.)
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g. abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax, and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.

Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”.
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Jul 2010   #1508
Kirsch

Windows 7 Ultimate
 
 

One of my favorites


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13 Jul 2010   #1509
severedsolo

Windows 7 Ultimate X64 SP1
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Kirsch View Post
One of my favorites
HILARIOUS!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Jul 2010   #1510
Kirsch

Windows 7 Ultimate
 
 

Another good one


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