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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

19 Jul 2010   #1551
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by LilDomii View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by LilDomii View Post

2nd one

You win the prize!
The paper's are ready to send him to your country.
No refunds or return tickets will be granted.
On seconds thoughts... I pick the first one...
What kinda prize is that!? He'll just bring sadness to Britain! Like it ain't sad enough already...

The prize is their brains are both made of wood!
Good for kindling and making fires to keep warm with.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
19 Jul 2010   #1552
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
Which one is the DUMMY!
Attachment 86262




LMAO!
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19 Jul 2010   #1553
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Win 10 Pro x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by LilDomii View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post

You win the prize!
The paper's are ready to send him to your country.
No refunds or return tickets will be granted.
On seconds thoughts... I pick the first one...
What kinda prize is that!? He'll just bring sadness to Britain! Like it ain't sad enough already...

The prize is their brains are both made of wood!
Good for kindling and making fires to keep warm with.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

20 Jul 2010   #1554
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart and no spine, and the head and arse are interchangeable."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
20 Jul 2010   #1555
gladson1976

Windows 7 Ultimate x64 (XP, 98SE, 95, 3.11, DOS 7.10 on VM) + Ubuntu 10.04 LTS Lucid Lynx
 
 
Eve's Little Secret

This is dedicated to LPT and Joan

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God…
“Lord, I have a problem!”
“What’s the problem, Eve?”
“Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy.”
“Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above.
“Lord, I am lonely. And I’m sick to death of apples.”
“Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.”
“What’s a ‘man’, Lord?”
“This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He’ll lie, cheat,and be vain glorious; all in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But, he’ll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly sometimes and he’ll be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won’t be too smart, so he’ll also need your advice to think properly.
“Sounds great,” says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
“What’s the catch, Lord?”
“Yeah, well…. you can have him on one condition.”
“What’s that, Lord?”
“As I said, he’ll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring…So you’ll have to let him believe that I made him first…So, just remember… it’s a secret…
My System SpecsSystem Spec
20 Jul 2010   #1556
gladson1976

Windows 7 Ultimate x64 (XP, 98SE, 95, 3.11, DOS 7.10 on VM) + Ubuntu 10.04 LTS Lucid Lynx
 
 
The Perfect Man and the Elf

This is again dedicated to LPT and Joan

There was a perfect man and a perfect woman.
They met each other at a perfect party. They dated for two perfect years. They had the perfect wedding and the perfect honeymoon. They had two perfect children.
One day the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving in their perfect car,
They saw an elf by the side of the road, and being the perfect people they were, they picked him up.
As the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving with the elf, somehow they got into an accident. Two people died and one lived.

Who died and who lived?
The perfect woman lived;
Everyone knows that perfect man and elves are imaginary and don't exist.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
20 Jul 2010   #1557
steve-pressman

Windows 7 Ultimate 64 - OEM Service Pack 1
 
 

Noddy is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 35 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.

"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I can't see where it went."

His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, "Why don't you take you old mate Milton, and give it one more try."

"That's no good" sighs Noddy, "Milton's a hundred and three. He can't help."
"He may be a hundred and three", says Noddy's wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day Noddy heads off to the golf course with Milton. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.
He turns to Milton and says, "Did you see the ball?"
"Of course I did!" replied Milton. "I have perfect eyesight".
"Where did it go?" says Noddy.

"I don't remember."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
20 Jul 2010   #1558
mickey megabyte

ultimate 64 sp1
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by steve-pressman View Post
Noddy is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 35 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.

"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I can't see where it went." ....
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by DocBrown View Post
Old Age Golf



Arthur is 90 years old.

He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago.
One day he arrives home looking downcast.


"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball,I can't see where it went." ...


Attached Images
Jokes Thread-29ay0si.jpg 
My System SpecsSystem Spec
20 Jul 2010   #1559
Kirsch

Windows 7 Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by mickey megabyte View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by steve-pressman View Post
Noddy is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 35 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.

"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I can't see where it went." ....
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by DocBrown View Post
Old Age Golf



Arthur is 90 years old.

He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago.
One day he arrives home looking downcast.


"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball,I can't see where it went." ...

LOL Mickey!! Could not have picked a better picture for that!! Wish I could rep you there
My System SpecsSystem Spec
20 Jul 2010   #1560
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quick Check for Alzheimer's (I am still okay wow wwwww )

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University . Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.
The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!


1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9 This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12 This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word in each line from
the top down
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