Jokes Thread


  1. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1551

    LilDomii said:
    The Howling Wolves said:
    LilDomii said:

    2nd one

    You win the prize!
    The paper's are ready to send him to your country.
    No refunds or return tickets will be granted.
    On seconds thoughts... I pick the first one...
    What kinda prize is that!? He'll just bring sadness to Britain! Like it ain't sad enough already...

    The prize is their brains are both made of wood!
    Good for kindling and making fires to keep warm with.
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  2. Posts : 22,814
    W 7 64-bit Ultimate
       #1552

    The Howling Wolves said:
    Which one is the DUMMY!
    Attachment 86262




    LMAO!
      My Computer


  3. Posts : 17,322
    Win 10 Pro x64
       #1553

    The Howling Wolves said:
    LilDomii said:
    The Howling Wolves said:

    You win the prize!
    The paper's are ready to send him to your country.
    No refunds or return tickets will be granted.
    On seconds thoughts... I pick the first one...
    What kinda prize is that!? He'll just bring sadness to Britain! Like it ain't sad enough already...

    The prize is their brains are both made of wood!
    Good for kindling and making fires to keep warm with.
      My Computer


  4. Posts : 1,491
    Win7 Pro-64 Bit
       #1554

    Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

    The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

    The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

    The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside is in alphabetical order."

    The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

    But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart and no spine, and the head and arse are interchangeable."
      My Computer


  5. Posts : 1,210
    Windows 7 Ultimate x64 (XP, 98SE, 95, 3.11, DOS 7.10 on VM) + Ubuntu 10.04 LTS Lucid Lynx
       #1555

    Eve's Little Secret


    This is dedicated to LPT and Joan :)

    One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God…
    “Lord, I have a problem!”
    “What’s the problem, Eve?”
    “Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy.”
    “Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above.
    “Lord, I am lonely. And I’m sick to death of apples.”
    “Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.”
    “What’s a ‘man’, Lord?”
    “This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He’ll lie, cheat,and be vain glorious; all in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But, he’ll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly sometimes and he’ll be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won’t be too smart, so he’ll also need your advice to think properly.
    “Sounds great,” says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
    “What’s the catch, Lord?”
    “Yeah, well…. you can have him on one condition.”
    “What’s that, Lord?”
    “As I said, he’ll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring…So you’ll have to let him believe that I made him first…So, just remember… it’s a secret…
      My Computer


  6. Posts : 1,210
    Windows 7 Ultimate x64 (XP, 98SE, 95, 3.11, DOS 7.10 on VM) + Ubuntu 10.04 LTS Lucid Lynx
       #1556

    The Perfect Man and the Elf


    This is again dedicated to LPT and Joan :)

    There was a perfect man and a perfect woman.
    They met each other at a perfect party. They dated for two perfect years. They had the perfect wedding and the perfect honeymoon. They had two perfect children.
    One day the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving in their perfect car,
    They saw an elf by the side of the road, and being the perfect people they were, they picked him up.
    As the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving with the elf, somehow they got into an accident. Two people died and one lived.

    Who died and who lived?
    The perfect woman lived;
    Everyone knows that perfect man and elves are imaginary and don't exist.
      My Computer


  7. Posts : 842
    Windows 7 Ultimate 64 - OEM Service Pack 1
       #1557

    Noddy is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 35 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.

    "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I can't see where it went."

    His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, "Why don't you take you old mate Milton, and give it one more try."

    "That's no good" sighs Noddy, "Milton's a hundred and three. He can't help."
    "He may be a hundred and three", says Noddy's wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

    So the next day Noddy heads off to the golf course with Milton. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.
    He turns to Milton and says, "Did you see the ball?"
    "Of course I did!" replied Milton. "I have perfect eyesight".
    "Where did it go?" says Noddy.

    "I don't remember."
      My Computer


  8. Posts : 8,398
    ultimate 64 sp1
       #1558

    steve-pressman said:
    Noddy is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 35 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.

    "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I can't see where it went." ....
    DocBrown said:
    Old Age Golf



    Arthur is 90 years old.

    He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago.
    One day he arrives home looking downcast.


    "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball,I can't see where it went." ...
    Jokes Thread Attached Images Jokes Thread-29ay0si.jpg 
      My Computer


  9. Posts : 1,180
    Windows 7 Ultimate
       #1559

    mickey megabyte said:
    steve-pressman said:
    Noddy is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 35 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.

    "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I can't see where it went." ....
    DocBrown said:
    Old Age Golf



    Arthur is 90 years old.

    He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago.
    One day he arrives home looking downcast.


    "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball,I can't see where it went." ...

    LOL Mickey!! Could not have picked a better picture for that!! Wish I could rep you there
      My Computer


  10. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1560

    Quick Check for Alzheimer's (I am still okay wow wwwww )

    The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University . Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.
    The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!


    1. This is this cat.
    2. This is is cat.
    3. This is how cat.
    4. This is to cat.
    5. This is keep cat
    6. This is an cat.
    7. This is old cat.
    8. This is fart cat.
    9 This is busy cat.
    10. This is for cat.
    11. This is forty cat.
    12 This is seconds cat.

    Now go back and read the third word in each line from
    the top down
      My Computer


 

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