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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

21 Jul 2010   #1571
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

lol .....Attachment 86607.....what next ??? that's too funny..
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22 Jul 2010   #1572
gladson1976

Windows 7 Ultimate x64 (XP, 98SE, 95, 3.11, DOS 7.10 on VM) + Ubuntu 10.04 LTS Lucid Lynx
 
 
Bud Abbott and Lou Costello - Computers

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their famous sketch, "Who's on First?" may have sounded something like this:

Costello calls a computer store to ask about a computer. Abbot answers the phone.

Abbott: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?
Costello: Yes. I'm setting up an office at home and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: No, my name's Lou.
Abbott: Your computer?
Costello: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: I told you, my name's Lou.
Abbott: OK then, what about Windows?
Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in there?
Abbott: No. But do you want a computer with Windows?
Costello: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
Abbott: Wallpaper at first.
Costello: Never mind the windows! I need a computer and some software.
Abbott: Software for Windows?
Costello: No! On the computer! I need something I can use to run my business, write proposals and track expenses. What do you have?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yeah, for my office. I told you that. Can you recommend anything?
Abbott: I just did.
Costello: You just did what?
Abbott: Recommended something.
Costello: You recommended something?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: For my office?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: OK. What did you recommend for my office?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yes, for my office!
Abbott: I recommend Office with Windows.
Costello: My office already has windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to write a proposal. What would I need?
Abbott: Word.
Costello: What word?
Abbott: Word in Office.
Costello: The only word in office is office.
Abbott: You need the Word in Office for Windows.
Costello: Which word in office for windows?
Abbott: The Word you get when you click the blue "W."
Costello: I'm going to click your blue "W" if you don't give me some straight answers. What about bookkeeping? Do you have anything I can use to track my money?
Abbott: Sure, Money.
Costello: That's right. What do you have?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: I need money to track my money?
Abbott: Yes, and It comes bundled with your computer.
Costello: What comes bundled with my computer?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: Money comes with my computer?
Abbott: Yes. No extra charge.
Costello: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much do I get?
Abbott: One copy.
Costello: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
Abbott: We got a license from Microsoft to copy Money.
Costello: They can give you a license to copy money?
Abbott: Why not? They own it!

(A few days later)
Abbott: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?
Costello: How do I turn my computer off?
Abbott: Click "START."
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22 Jul 2010   #1573
elsuirad

Windows® 7 Home Basic 64bit, Build 7600
 
 

That's a good one @gladson1976. and hilarious too.
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22 Jul 2010   #1574
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford...

"The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High transfat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."
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22 Jul 2010   #1575
steve-pressman

Windows 7 Ultimate 64 - OEM Service Pack 1
 
 

New Panties

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch less panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life.
She puts them on together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs . . . enough times till her husband says...
"Are you wearing crotch less panties?"
"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.
"Thank God for that. . . I thought you were sitting on the cat.

Services will be held Saturday, 2pm, Baxter Funeral Home
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22 Jul 2010   #1576
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by steve-pressman View Post
New Panties

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch less panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life.
She puts them on together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs . . . enough times till her husband says...
"Are you wearing crotch less panties?"
"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.
"Thank God for that. . . I thought you were sitting on the cat.

Services will be held Saturday, 2pm, Baxter Funeral Home
My System SpecsSystem Spec
22 Jul 2010   #1577
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by derekimo View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by steve-pressman View Post
New Panties

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch less panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life.
She puts them on together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs . . . enough times till her husband says...
"Are you wearing crotch less panties?"
"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.
"Thank God for that. . . I thought you were sitting on the cat.

Services will be held Saturday, 2pm, Baxter Funeral Home
The services on Saturday at 2pm are they for the husband or for the cat she was sitting on?
I be corn fused!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
22 Jul 2010   #1578
Joan Archer

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 32 bit/Windows 10 64bit
 
 

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22 Jul 2010   #1579
starwolf1336

Windows 7 Professional 64bit
 
 

HAHAHAHA, nice one steve
My System SpecsSystem Spec
22 Jul 2010   #1580
steve-pressman

Windows 7 Ultimate 64 - OEM Service Pack 1
 
 

Hmmm it was for the husband there was no cat


Steve
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