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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

27 Jul 2010   #1641
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

If you can stand on your head , it's upright...lol.. won't help me any,
I never could do that ,I'm way too tall.. have too much to try and get in the air...lol
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Jul 2010   #1642
Joan Archer

Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by LADYPINKtomato1 View Post
If you can stand on your head , it's upright...lol.. won't help me any,
I never could do that ,I'm way too tall.. have too much to try and get in the air...lol
I could when I was younger, and I was tall, but no way would I be able to now
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Jul 2010   #1643
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, "MALE & FEMALE" procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.'


*******************************

MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.


*******************************

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

(What is really funny is that most of this part is the truth!!!!)

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in cheque register and place receipt in back of chequebook.
18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 metre.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 kilometres.
27. Release Parking Brake.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

27 Jul 2010   #1644
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by LADYPINKtomato1 View Post
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, "MALE & FEMALE" procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.'


*******************************

MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.


*******************************

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

(What is really funny is that most of this part is the truth!!!!)

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in cheque register and place receipt in back of chequebook.
18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 metre.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 kilometres.
27. Release Parking Brake.
28. Drive back to bank ....forgot to take money out of machine.
29. Entire process starts all over again.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Jul 2010   #1645
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

THW YOU are soooooo BAD !!!!.. I knew you'd find a huge laugh in this.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Jul 2010   #1646
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

The Phone Call
"Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead".

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, Senor, that's the one."

"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"

"From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod."

"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"

"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"The thoroughbred, Senor Rod."

"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"

"Yes, Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."

"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"

"Yes, Senor Rod."

"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Senor Rod."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"

"Your wife's, Senor Rod". She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your newPingG15 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."

SILENCE........... LONG SILENCE.........VERY LONG SILENCE.

"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep s**t!!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Jul 2010   #1647
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

+ 2 Lpt
Had seen that in one of my Golf Magazines...along with this picture..

Stay off the course or else...
Attachment 87855

You don't have to tell me twice! Yikes.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Jul 2010   #1648
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

When the lake at the golf course was low , I have picked up those wayward balls...
washed them in my Maytag machine.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Jul 2010   #1649
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by LADYPINKtomato1 View Post
When the lake at the golf course was low , I have picked up those wayward balls...
washed them in my Maytag machine.


In my daily routine I walk the 11th green to the 10th tee box daily and I have found over 35 balls one day. My neighbor walks the other side from the 12th tee box to the 13th green and found over 40+ on one outing. It's amazing!
Have a great evening as I suspect you are off to
Attachment 87860

nighty nite LPt!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Jul 2010   #1650
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

THW not just yet.. it's only 8:21 pm here now....see if you can view the video I posted a few moments ago.. in " Today ".. if not try to get it fixed for me pz..
I tried the V to the end.. not sure it will work as planned..
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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