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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

29 Jul 2010   #1671
Dwarf

Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
29 Jul 2010   #1672
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

The Nun in Hooters.......

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.

The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the light would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revellers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

"No thank you, but, I still don't understand, said the puzzled nun.

"You see, laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"

My System SpecsSystem Spec
29 Jul 2010   #1673
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Great one LPt +1
I'll drink to that!!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

29 Jul 2010   #1674
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by LADYPINKtomato1 View Post
The Nun in Hooters.......

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters...

My System SpecsSystem Spec
29 Jul 2010   #1675
Tews

64-bit Windows 8.1 Pro
 
 

Thats superb LPT... thanks for the belly laugh... I needed it!!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
29 Jul 2010   #1676
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons nor prior experience.
She mounts the horse, unassisted and the horse immediately springs into action. As it gallops along at its steady and rhythmic pace, the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but despite her best efforts, slides down the horse's flanks.
The horse continues to gallop along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.
She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground, time and time again.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness, when to her great fortune, Frank, the Woolworths supermaket trolley boy, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
29 Jul 2010   #1677
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

^^
My System SpecsSystem Spec
29 Jul 2010   #1678
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

TOM'S SCROTUM


The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would
like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked
to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband,
Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.
The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help
him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as
they
imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to
hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible
pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it
turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's
scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in
the
congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the
horrible surgery performed on Tom. "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that
with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed
with
unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had
something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He
said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just
want to tell my wife the word is sternum.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
29 Jul 2010   #1679
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

hahahahahah.. ohh mercy me..
My System SpecsSystem Spec
29 Jul 2010   #1680
Tews

64-bit Windows 8.1 Pro
 
 

DISCLAIMER: The "Tom Smith" in said joke is not to be confused with me... Thank You!!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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