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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

03 Aug 2010   #1741
TruskyMX

Windows 7 Enterprise (34-bit)
 
 

A little old lady wins the lottery in poland and becomes mega rich. Everyone around her asks what she is going to do with the money.

She instantly replies " The Nazi party", everyone is shocked.







I have to they are the ones who gave me my numbers

[I know is a bit of a horrible one]
My System SpecsSystem Spec
03 Aug 2010   #1742
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by TruskyMX View Post
A little old lady wins the lottery in poland and becomes mega rich. Everyone around her asks what she is going to do with the money.

She instantly replies " The Nazi party", everyone is shocked.







I have to they are the ones who gave me my numbers

[I know is a bit of a horrible one]
Sick
But all is forgiven!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Aug 2010   #1743
WindowsStar

Windows 7 Enterprise (x64); Windows Server 2008 R2 (x64)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by CarlTR6 View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Borg 386 View Post
I got us a new doormat ... my wife doesn't think it's funny
I love it! You wife has no sense of humor. :y114:
Neither does mine: We were on vacation (holiday) and she wanted to go to a mall; I did not want to go and I asked why we would go to the Mall on vacation???. She said that she needed something from a store that our stores do not carry. Needless to say we went to the mall. While at the Mall I was wandering around and found a kiosk that made one-off bumper stickers. I figured why not, I asked the guy if he could make up 10, he said yes and I was off. When we got home I put one on her car and mine. The bumper sticker reads:

“Sleep with a computer technician and stay virus free”

I love the play on words. She was NOT happy and I had to remove the bumper stickers. UGH!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

04 Aug 2010   #1744
Dinesh

Windows® 8 Pro (64-bit)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by LADYPINKtomato1 View Post
Dinesh I think I've talked to that same guy when I've needed tech support
from my DSL company...lol
The guy you spoke with must be from Philippines or India.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Aug 2010   #1745
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by WindowsStar View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by CarlTR6 View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Borg 386 View Post
I got us a new doormat ... my wife doesn't think it's funny
I love it! You wife has no sense of humor. :y114:
Neither does mine: We were on vacation (holiday) and she wanted to go to a mall; I did not want to go and I asked why we would go to the Mall on vacation???. She said that she needed something from a store that our stores do not carry. Needless to say we went to the mall. While at the Mall I was wandering around and found a kiosk that made one-off bumper stickers. I figured why not, I asked the guy if he could make up 10, he said yes and I was off. When we got home I put one on her car and mine. The bumper sticker reads:

“Sleep with a computer technician and stay virus free”

I love the play on words. She was NOT happy and I had to remove the bumper stickers. UGH!


I like it though, that a good one.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Aug 2010   #1746
Dinesh

Windows® 8 Pro (64-bit)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by TruskyMX View Post
A little old lady wins the lottery in poland and becomes mega rich. Everyone around her asks what she is going to do with the money.

She instantly replies " The Nazi party", everyone is shocked.







I have to they are the ones who gave me my numbers

[I know is a bit of a horrible one]
The old lady must be an active participant in WW2.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Aug 2010   #1747
Joan Archer

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 32 bit/Windows 10 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by WindowsStar View Post
Neither does mine: We were on vacation (holiday) and she wanted to go to a mall; I did not want to go and I asked why we would go to the Mall on vacation???. She said that she needed something from a store that our stores do not carry. Needless to say we went to the mall. While at the Mall I was wandering around and found a kiosk that made one-off bumper stickers. I figured why not, I asked the guy if he could make up 10, he said yes and I was off. When we got home I put one on her car and mine. The bumper sticker reads:

“Sleep with a computer technician and stay virus free”

I love the play on words. She was NOT happy and I had to remove the bumper stickers. UGH!
I think my daughter would appreciate that one as she's married to one.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Aug 2010   #1748
fishnbanjo

Vista 64 Ultimate, Windows 7 64 Ultimate, Ubuntu 9.10
 
 
The Best Story of the Year:

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.


Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.


She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom. "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief.

The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Aug 2010   #1749
steve-pressman

Windows 7 Ultimate 64 - OEM Service Pack 1
 
 

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office.
"What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."
"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."
"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Aug 2010   #1750
bjrichus

 

[QUOTE=Capt.Jack Sparrow;872923]
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly
parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was
diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be
praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to
die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir,
I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this
demonstration of pain in is
more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A
child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then
replied "My wife's first husband."
{/QUOTE]

Yup... That's my situation... I'm my wife's SECOND husband...
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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