Jokes Thread

[QUOTE=bjrichus;880320]

Capt.Jack Sparrow said:

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly
parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was
diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be
praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to
die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir,
I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this
demonstration of pain in is
more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A
child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then
replied "My wife's first husband."
{/QUOTE]

Yup... That's my situation... I'm my wife's SECOND husband...

A lot of us can relate to that !

Joan Archer said:

WindowsStar said:

Neither does mine: We were on vacation (holiday) and she wanted to go to a mall; I did not want to go and I asked why we would go to the Mall on vacation???. She said that she needed something from a store that our stores do not carry. Needless to say we went to the mall. While at the Mall I was wandering around and found a kiosk that made one-off bumper stickers. I figured why not, I asked the guy if he could make up 10, he said yes and I was off. When we got home I put one on her car and mine. The bumper sticker reads:

“Sleep with a computer technician and stay virus free”

I love the play on words. She was NOT happy and I had to remove the bumper stickers. UGH!

I think my daughter would appreciate that one as she's married to one.

Great point, wait isn't my wife married to one as well?

[QUOTE=bjrichus;880320]

Capt.Jack Sparrow said:

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly
parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was
diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be
praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to
die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir,
I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this
demonstration of pain in is
more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A
child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then
replied "My wife's first husband."
{/QUOTE]

Yup... That's my situation... I'm my wife's SECOND husband...

That reminds me of what I told the last lady that asked if I was married ...

I told her, I've been divorced 3 times, would you like to be number 4?

Bare Foot Kid said:

bjrichus said:

Capt.Jack Sparrow said:

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly
parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was
diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be
praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to
die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir,
I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this
demonstration of pain in is
more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A
child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then
replied "My wife's first husband."

Yup... That's my situation... I'm my wife's SECOND husband...

That reminds me of what I told the last lady that asked if I was married ...

I told her, I've been divorced 3 times, would you like to be number 4?

that doesn't sound like a good thing to say at a job interview. btw. did you get that job?

[QUOTE=Bare Foot Kid;880489]

bjrichus said:

Capt.Jack Sparrow said:

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly
parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was
diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be
praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to
die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir,
I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this
demonstration of pain in is
more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A
child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then
replied "My wife's first husband."
{/QUOTE]

Yup... That's my situation... I'm my wife's SECOND husband...

That reminds me of what I told the last lady that asked if I was married ...

I told her, I've been divorced 3 times, would you like to be number 4?

You don't go by the name of Henry as well, do you Ted?

> The Polish Divorce:
>
>
> A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
>
> Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.
>
> One day he rushed into a lawyer's office
>
> and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
>
> The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances,
>
> and asked him the following questions:
>
>
> Have you any grounds?
>
> Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
>
>
> No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
>
> It made of concrete.
>
>
> I don't think you understand.
>
> Does either of you have a real grudge?
>
> No, we have carport, and not need one.
>
>
> I mean what are your relations like?
>
> All my relations still in Poland ...
>
>
> Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
>
> We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
>
>
> Does your wife beat you up?
>
> No, I always up before her.
>
>
> Is your wife a nagger?
>
> No, she white.
>
>
> Why do you want this divorce?
>
> She going to kill me.
>
>
> What makes you think that?
>
> I got proof.
>
>
> What kind of proof?
>
> SHE IS GOING TO POISON ME !!!!
> She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.
> I can read English pretty good, and it say:


> Polish Remover

An old one, but still funny.

derekimo said:

Job interview?

A 'trade for services rendered' by any other name is still a job!

Dwarf said:

You don't go by the name of Henry as well, do you Ted?

Sometimes I like to be called Henry the Eight.