Windows 7 Forums
Welcome to Windows 7 Forums. Our forum is dedicated to helping you find support and solutions for any problems regarding your Windows 7 PC be it Dell, HP, Acer, Asus or a custom build. We also provide an extensive Windows 7 tutorial section that covers a wide range of tips and tricks.


Windows 7: Jokes Thread

06 Aug 2010   #1791
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

Two Aliens

Some yeas ago two aliens landed in outback Australia near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."
The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.
The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.
The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'
The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.

Browned off at the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said gruffly, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader or I will fire!"
The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You don't want to do that! It will make him angry.'
'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards him and blew the younger alien off his feet and threw him in a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.
Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.
'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He darn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you never mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.'


Attached Images
Jokes Thread-1.jpg 
My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Aug 2010   #1792
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by brightblessings View Post
two aliens

some yeas ago two aliens landed in outback australia near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "greetings, earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."
the gas pump, of course, didn't respond.
The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.
The older alien said, 'i'd calm down if i were you.'
the younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.

Browned off at the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said gruffly, "greetings, earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader or i will fire!"
the older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'you don't want to do that! It will make him angry.'
'rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards him and blew the younger alien off his feet and threw him in a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.
Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.
'what a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'he darn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

the older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'if there's one thing i've learned during my intergalactic travels, you never mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.'

roflmao!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Aug 2010   #1793
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
 
 

As you get older just remember:

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong.

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

06 Aug 2010   #1794
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
 
 

Quote:
E mailing or internet acces via Blackberry will no longer be possible in Saudi Arabia and the UAE where the service will be blocked, government announcements have stated.

The reason given for the decision is Blackberry's refusal to modify its systems to allow monitoring of internet traffic on Blackberry by the two countries' security agencies.

The decision, while causing disappointment and consternation among Blackberry users living or visiting there, has also started humour mills turning. Example:
New laws in Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates will require that every Blackberry user dress their phone a miniature burqa and face veil.

‘The Blackberry burqa means that people can still use their phones,’ said a Saudi government official, ‘but the tiny niqab that covers the screen will stop them from reading emails or accessing the Internet.’

Some businessmen believe that making their phone wear a burqa can be very liberating. ‘It’s great,’ said one, ‘with the veil in place I am free to walk about with my Blackberry in public without the feeling that people are staring lustily at my multi-media application. It also covers my shame for not owning an iPhone.’

The Saudi government have promised that anyone who refuses to dress their Blackberry in a burqa will face harsh punishment. ‘I am not saying exactly what we will do,’ said their Minister for Justice, ‘but suffice to say that it isn’t so easy to text with your toes.’


Attached Images
Jokes Thread-image001.jpg 
My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Aug 2010   #1795
Jonathan_King

Windows 7 Professional x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Borg 386 View Post
Quote:
E mailing or internet acces via Blackberry will no longer be possible in Saudi Arabia and the UAE where the service will be blocked, government announcements have stated.

The reason given for the decision is Blackberry's refusal to modify its systems to allow monitoring of internet traffic on Blackberry by the two countries' security agencies.

The decision, while causing disappointment and consternation among Blackberry users living or visiting there, has also started humour mills turning. Example:
New laws in Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates will require that every Blackberry user dress their phone a miniature burqa and face veil.

‘The Blackberry burqa means that people can still use their phones,’ said a Saudi government official, ‘but the tiny niqab that covers the screen will stop them from reading emails or accessing the Internet.’

Some businessmen believe that making their phone wear a burqa can be very liberating. ‘It’s great,’ said one, ‘with the veil in place I am free to walk about with my Blackberry in public without the feeling that people are staring lustily at my multi-media application. It also covers my shame for not owning an iPhone.’

The Saudi government have promised that anyone who refuses to dress their Blackberry in a burqa will face harsh punishment. ‘I am not saying exactly what we will do,’ said their Minister for Justice, ‘but suffice to say that it isn’t so easy to text with your toes.’
Reminds me of The Onion.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Aug 2010   #1796
Dinesh

Windows® 8 Pro (64-bit)
 
 

Why is my Internet explorer running slow?

Jokes Thread-capture.png


My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Aug 2010   #1797
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Win 10 Pro x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Dinesh View Post
Why is my Internet explorer running slow?

Attachment 89847
Toolbar fetish?

My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Aug 2010   #1798
Dinesh

Windows® 8 Pro (64-bit)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by derekimo View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Dinesh View Post
Why is my Internet explorer running slow?

Attachment 89847
Toolbar fetish?

Bondage.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Aug 2010   #1799
noobvious

Win 7 Ultimate 64-bit SP1 (desktop)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Dinesh View Post
Why is my Internet explorer running slow?

Attachment 89847
Wow! Jokes Thread-lol-034.gif


My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Aug 2010   #1800
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
 
 

[QUOTE=Dinesh;884448]Why is my Internet explorer running slow?

I think the bigger question here is why is the PC still running?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
Closed Thread

Thread Tools


Similar help and support threads
Thread Forum
Jokes Thread [4]
No sex after surgery ... A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
Chillout Room
Computer jokes!
Rules: ------------------ One joke per post No repeating of jokes ------------------ Il start: What do you call a computer with no graphics?
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread [3]
:note: continued from - https://www.sevenforums.com/chillout-room/106614-jokes-thread-2 ****** 22 ADULT TRUTHS ****** 1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you...
Chillout Room
IT Jokes
If you can read German, then you will appreciate: Die schlechtesten IT-Witze - Derber Humor ohne Gewähr | TecChannel.de
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread 2
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! :D I will start first! :p A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."...
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
Person 1:Knock Knock Person 2:Whos there? Person 1: Boo Person 2: Boo who? :huh: Person 1: ZOMG WHY U CRYIN??!? :p
Chillout Room


Our Sites

Site Links

About Us

Find Us

Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

© Designer Media Ltd

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 16:11.
Twitter Facebook Google+ Seven Forums iOS App Seven Forums Android App