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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

14 Aug 2010   #1881
steve-pressman

Windows 7 Ultimate 64 - OEM Service Pack 1
 
 

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know to say one thing.'

'What do they say?' the priest asked.

They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed.

Then he thought for a moment.

'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.'

'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'

The next day she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.

Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

There was stunned silence.

Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, 'Put the beads away, Frank, Our prayers have been answered!'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Aug 2010   #1882
Tews

64-bit Windows 8.1 Pro
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Dom View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by CarlTR6 View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by steve-pressman View Post
Hired Hand

The Banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty year old rancher, in town.

Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumour had it that he was marrying a 'Mail Order Bride.' Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumour was true.

Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom 'How Old' the new bride to be was.
Tom proudly said, "She'll be twenty one in November."

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty year old man.

Wanting his old friends remaining years to be happy, the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take it's course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.
About four months later, the banker fan into Tom in town again.
"How's the new wife?" asked the banker.
Tom proudly said, "She's pregnant!"
The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, "And how's the hired hand."

Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant, too!"
Are we referring to Tews here?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Aug 2010   #1883
Dom

Windows Seven Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Tews View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Dom View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by CarlTR6 View Post

Are we referring to Tews here?


Are you admitting something Tom?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

14 Aug 2010   #1884
Tews

64-bit Windows 8.1 Pro
 
 

Who, Me?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Aug 2010   #1885
Dwarf

Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Dom View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Tews View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Dom View Post

Are we referring to Tews here?


Are you admitting something Tom?
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Tews View Post
Who, Me?
I'm not saying. But don't worry, Tom. Your secret is safe with us.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Aug 2010   #1886
Dom

Windows Seven Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Dwarf View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Dom View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Tews View Post



Are you admitting something Tom?
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Tews View Post
Who, Me?
I'm not saying. But don't worry, Tom. Your secret is safe with us.
Does 'us' include me?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Aug 2010   #1887
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
 
 
21 Signs You've Been Spoiled Rotten by Technology

Do you complain loudly if the Wi-Fi on the airplane fizzles out?
Gripe if a YouTube stream falters? Own an HDTV bigger than your
couch? If so, you might be spoiled by technology. Read on for more
warning signs.
21 Signs You've Been Spoiled Rotten by Technology - PCWorld
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Aug 2010   #1888
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by steve-pressman View Post
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know to say one thing.'

'What do they say?' the priest asked...
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Aug 2010   #1889
Darician

Windows 7 Ultimate x64 SP1
 
 

Funny customer service call a colleague of mine took once (they did support for general issues with computers). It started with a problem about heat on the computer but turned into a power supply issue. I've included the relevant part of the call:

Customer: My computer seems to have a problem.
Rep: What's wrong?
Customer: Well, there's smoke on the computer.
Rep: Smoke? Coming from where?
Customer: From the back, there seems to be smoke coming from back there where it's plugged in. I need you to fix it.
Rep: Sir, what you'll need to do is shut off that PC as smoke indicates a major problem with the power supply and it will need to be replaced.
Customer: No, just tell me how to fix it.
Rep: You'll need a new power supply. I would suggest you turn off the computer to prevent further damage.
Customer: No no, you need to tell me how to fix it right now. I know there's some trick you computer guys know that'll just make this smoke go away.
Rep: Sir, what needs to be done is that power supply needs to be replaced. There's no real trick that can be done to fix this problem.
Customer: You're just keeping it from me so the computer industry can make more money, come on, tell me!
Rep: Again sir, there is nothing that can be done with the computer other than turning it off and replacing the power supply to fix this issue. It's a hardware issue with a part that needs to be replaced, it's that simple.
Customer: You're lying to me, I know there is a command you computer guys know and you just won't tell me what it is. Come on, tell me how to fix it now!

(My colleague realizes this customer is being an idiot so he decides to play along since he's not going to listen to reason)

Rep: All right, you got me. What I need you to do, is to go to Start, click on Run. Then type in cmd and click "OK". After that, you should have a black terminal window, correct?
Customer: Yes.
Rep: OK. What I need you to do now, is type in there "no smoke.exe".
Customer: It says this is an invalid program.
Rep: Hmm...that sounds like an issue for Microsoft as it's their command prompt.
Customer: So I should call Microsoft then?
Rep: I would suggest so and see what they tell you.

The customer then hangs up and calls Microsoft. What he exactly said to Microsoft is unknown but the gist of it is that "no smoke.exe" does not exist. The reason I know this is because the guy called back complaining and got my colleague again on the phone.

(2nd call)
Customer: Yeah, Microsoft told me "no smoke.exe" doesn't exist.
Rep: Really? In that case, you will need to go ahead and replace that power supply as the smoke is not a good sign and could be a serious hazard.
Customer: You people just want us to spend more and more money. You know a trick to fix it but won't tell me.
Rep: Trust me, there's no trick, you just need to replace that part and the problem will be resolved.
Customer: I think I'll call a friend who's good with computers, I'm sure he'll be honest enough to tell me how to fix this.
Rep: All right.

The guy hangs and never calls back. Don't know exactly what happened after that but in all this time, about 75 minutes passed between the beginning of the first call and the second call with this guy's power supply spewing smoke the whole time and the guy doesn't see the problem. This is one of those cases where you just can't fix the PEBKAC.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Aug 2010   #1890
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

That is hilarious! I love it the idiot was referred to Microsoft.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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