Jokes Thread

Leather Dresses
Contributed by Bitty



Did You Know This About Leather Dresses?

Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress,
a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry,
he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally.



Ever wonder why?







It's because she smells like a new golf bag

Too bad I couldn't add the pictures..

The Howling Wolves said:

A must read for Grandparents..
(Those who aren't will love it, too.)

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?'

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?'

The little boy nodded 'yes'.

'So,' the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head.

Do you understand all that?'

The little boy nodded 'yes' again.

He continued, 'And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb ass', is it?

The little boy shook his head 'NO'.

'GOOD', said the coach.

'Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.'

Dennis that's a great one.. thanks

This is scary for anyone who travels frequently by plane!!!!









Actual crack in a US Airways Boeing 737 window frame! Fliers beware of the sub standard maintenance on the airplanes that you fly on. This is an actual crack that was found in the window frame on a 737. I'll definitely think twice before flying again.

steve-pressman said:

This is scary for anyone who travels frequently by plane!!!!









Actual crack in a US Airways Boeing 737 window frame! Fliers beware of the sub standard maintenance on the airplanes that you fly on. This is an actual crack that was found in the window frame on a 737. I'll definitely think twice before flying again.

Gives a totally different meaning to the phrase Fly me to the moon

Dwarf said:

Gives a totally different meaning to the phrase Fly me to the moon

LittleMiss said:

" if Knowledge is power I'm riding a moped"

I love it!

Dwarf said:

Gives a totally different meaning to the phrase Fly me to the moon

I bet it was draughty

THIS IS WHY WE LOVE OLDER PEOPLE

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can’t carry this lot."

The old lady suggested, "Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says "Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."