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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

17 Aug 2010   #1921
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under,
the surgeon popped into see him.

"I have some good news and some bad news." says the surgeon.
"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm !"
"Oh God no!" cries the man. "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm!

I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant"
"Go for it doc" says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.

"Hi, how's the new arm ?" asks the surgeon.
"Just great" says the business man.
"I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."
"That's great." said the surgeon.
"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors"

"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon,
"I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side affects ?"
"Well, just one problem," said the golfer, "every time I get an erection, I also get a headache!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
17 Aug 2010   #1922
ryo

 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under,
the surgeon popped into see him.

"I have some good news and some bad news." says the surgeon.
"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm !"
"Oh God no!" cries the man. "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm!

I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant"
"Go for it doc" says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.

"Hi, how's the new arm ?" asks the surgeon.
"Just great" says the business man.
"I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."
"That's great." said the surgeon.
"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors"

"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon,
"I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side affects ?"
"Well, just one problem," said the golfer, "every time I get an erection, I also get a headache!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
18 Aug 2010   #1923
Thorsen

Win7 Home Premium 64x
 
 

Just got this in email, don't know if its been posted, but it gave me a laugh....

Truths For Mature Humans

1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

2. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

3. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

4. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

5. Was learning cursive really necessary?

6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

7. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

9. Bad decisions make good stories.

10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

13. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

14. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

15. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

16. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

19. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

21. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

22. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

23. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

24. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

25. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

26. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

18 Aug 2010   #1924
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Good ones, Thorsen!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
18 Aug 2010   #1925
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Quote:
21. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?




Being almost deaf, I love this one.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
18 Aug 2010   #1926
Dwarf

Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
 
 

What did you say? I couldn't quite hear you, sorry.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
18 Aug 2010   #1927
Dom

Windows Seven Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Dwarf View Post
What did you say? I couldn't quite hear you, sorry.
I can't see what you said! Sorry, I'm nearly blind, I've got a 10 by 100 metre giant keyboard in front of me so I can type and see the letters
My System SpecsSystem Spec
18 Aug 2010   #1928
Kirsch

Windows 7 Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Thorsen View Post

6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

22. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
My three favorites!!! Nice ones
My System SpecsSystem Spec
18 Aug 2010   #1929
Dwarf

Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
 
 

Jokes Thread-rcln37l.jpg

Update: Due to the budget cuts we can't even afford the light, so we can't turn off what we ain't got.


My System SpecsSystem Spec
18 Aug 2010   #1930
Kirsch

Windows 7 Ultimate
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
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