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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

20 Aug 2010   #1941
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
 
 

Mother Superior calls all the Nuns together and says to them: "I must tell you all something. We have a case of Gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly Nun at the back. "I'm so sick of Chardonnay."
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20 Aug 2010   #1942
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Borg 386 View Post
Mother Superior calls all the Nuns together and says to them: "I must tell you all something. We have a case of Gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly Nun at the back. "I'm so sick of Chardonnay."

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20 Aug 2010   #1943
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
 
 

How do crazy people go through the forest?


They take the psycho path.
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.

21 Aug 2010   #1944
beauparc

Windows 7 64 bit
 
 

O.A.P s

Let's put the OAPs in jail and the criminals in a nursing home. This way the OAPs would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.




They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education. Clothing & shoes would be free on request. Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens. Each OAP could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls. There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The "criminals" would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.
Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay £900.00 per month and have no hope of ever getting out. Justice for all we say.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Bourne almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Lincolnshire?

And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls.

But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE BRITISH CONSTITUTION

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ...
Why don't we just give them ours? It was drawn up by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for centuries and we're not using it anymore.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -
You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians ..... It creates a hostile work environment.

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21 Aug 2010   #1945
beauparc

Windows 7 64 bit
 
 

WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ!

(Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)



Only total thicko's will fail !!



1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last ?

2) Which country makes Panama hats ?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?

7) What was King George VI's first name ?

8) What color is a purple finch ?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?




Remember, you need only 3 correct answers to pass.
Check your answers below.








ANSWERS






1) How long did the Hundred Years War last ? 116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats ?
Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?
Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?
November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?
Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?
Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name ?
Albert

8) What color is a purple finch ?
Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ? New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?
Orange (of course!)

What do you mean, you failed?!!

Me, too...!!!


( And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie! )



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21 Aug 2010   #1946
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
 
 

sooo...he was a thief????


Attached Images
Jokes Thread-thief-maybe.jpg 
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21 Aug 2010   #1947
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by beauparc View Post
O.A.P s

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -
You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians ..... It creates a hostile work environment.

Right on target!

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by beauparc View Post
WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ!

(Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)


What do you mean, you failed?!!

Me, too...!!!


( And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie! )



Actually, I got five of them right.

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Borg 386 View Post
sooo...he was a thief????
Or a politician. Wait, that is the same thing.
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22 Aug 2010   #1948
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
 
 

I guess cats really do get into everything.....


Attached Images
Jokes Thread-image007.jpg 
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22 Aug 2010   #1949
Petey7

Windows 7 Professional SP1 64-bit
 
 

Is that the same cat that is plotting your death?
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22 Aug 2010   #1950
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

He was searching the net for his mouse!
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