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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

23 Aug 2010   #1951
LittleMiss

 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by beauparc View Post
WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ!

(Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)



Only total thicko's will fail !!



1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last ?

2) Which country makes Panama hats ?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?

7) What was King George VI's first name ?

8) What color is a purple finch ?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?




Remember, you need only 3 correct answers to pass.
Check your answers below.








ANSWERS






1) How long did the Hundred Years War last ? 116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats ?
Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?
Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?
November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?
Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?
Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name ?
Albert

8) What color is a purple finch ?
Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ? New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?
Orange (of course!)

What do you mean, you failed?!!

Me, too...!!!


( And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie! )


I GOT 4,,, I Did!!!!!!!!!!!
#s 1,3,5,10
All that $ spent for College , it finally paid off (and watching the TV show jeopardy)

My System SpecsSystem Spec
23 Aug 2010   #1952
LittleMiss

 
 

Long ago when men cursed
and beat the ground with sticks,
it was called witchcraft...

Today, it's called golf.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
23 Aug 2010   #1953
johnwillyums

Windows 7 Home Premium 64 bit
 
 

Old people these days, they're just running wild


Attached Thumbnails
Jokes Thread-toiletjoke.png  
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

23 Aug 2010   #1954
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by LittleMiss View Post
Long ago when men cursed
and beat the ground with sticks,
it was called witchcraft...

Today, it's called golf.
A very accurate description.

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by johnwillyums View Post
Old people these days, they're just running wild
My System SpecsSystem Spec
23 Aug 2010   #1955
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."
She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
23 Aug 2010   #1956
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Petey7 View Post
Is that the same cat that is plotting your death?
Nope...this one is. Her name is Semetary...since she looks like the one in Pet Semetary.

(I know, the cats name was Church...but in her case, Semetary fits)

Today's Bad Joke:

A baby seal walks into a bar. The bartender says "What'll you have?"

The baby seal says "Anything except a Canadian Club."


Attached Images
Jokes Thread-sematary33.jpg Jokes Thread-semetary-my-kitterz1.jpg 
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23 Aug 2010   #1957
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Borg 386 View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Petey7 View Post
Is that the same cat that is plotting your death?
Nope...this one is. Her name is Semetary...since she looks like the one in Pet Semetary.

(I know, the cats name was Church...but in her case, Semetary fits)

Today's Bad Joke:

A baby seal walks into a bar. The bartender says "What'll you have?"

The baby seal says "Anything except a Canadian Club."
Sick; but I love it!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
23 Aug 2010   #1958
Kirsch

Windows 7 Ultimate
 
 

I got 3

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by beauparc View Post
WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ!



1) How long did the Hundred Years War last ? 116 years

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?
November

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?
Orange (of course!)
My System SpecsSystem Spec
23 Aug 2010   #1959
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

We are interesting : Not a joke..... but an observation.


GOD
AND
LAWN
CARE


AUTHOR UNKNOWN



GOD:
Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST FRANCIS:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST FRANCIS:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS:
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST FRANCIS:
No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD:
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST FRANCIS:
Yes, Sir.

GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS:
You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.

ST. FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD:
No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?

ST FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD:
Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE:
'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about....

GOD:
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
23 Aug 2010   #1960
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

LPt.
How true this story is! We are the subordinates "Dumb and Dumer!"
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