Jokes Thread


  1. Posts : 182
    XP
       #1951

    beauparc said:
    WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ!

    (Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)



    Only total thicko's will fail !!



    1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last ?

    2) Which country makes Panama hats ?

    3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?

    4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?

    5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?

    6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?

    7) What was King George VI's first name ?

    8) What color is a purple finch ?

    9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ?

    10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?




    Remember, you need only 3 correct answers to pass.
    Check your answers below.








    ANSWERS






    1) How long did the Hundred Years War last ? 116 years

    2) Which country makes Panama hats ?
    Ecuador

    3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?
    Sheep and Horses

    4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?
    November

    5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?
    Squirrel fur

    6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?
    Dogs

    7) What was King George VI's first name ?
    Albert

    8) What color is a purple finch ?
    Crimson

    9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ? New Zealand

    10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?
    Orange (of course!)

    What do you mean, you failed?!!

    Me, too...!!!


    ( And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie! )


    I GOT 4,,, I Did!!!!!!!!!!!
    #s 1,3,5,10
    All that $ spent for College , it finally paid off (and watching the TV show jeopardy)

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  2. Posts : 182
    XP
       #1952

    Long ago when men cursed
    and beat the ground with sticks,
    it was called witchcraft...

    Today, it's called golf.
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  3. Posts : 4,663
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64 bit
       #1953

    Old people these days, they're just running wild
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Jokes Thread-toiletjoke.png  
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  4. Posts : 11,991
    Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
       #1954

    LittleMiss said:
    Long ago when men cursed
    and beat the ground with sticks,
    it was called witchcraft...

    Today, it's called golf.
    A very accurate description.

    johnwillyums said:
    Old people these days, they're just running wild
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  5. Posts : 1,491
    Win7 Pro-64 Bit
       #1955

    The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.
    The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
    The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."
    The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."
    She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"
    This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
    The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!"
    An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
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  6. Posts : 7,781
    Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
       #1956

    Petey7 said:
    Is that the same cat that is plotting your death?
    Nope...this one is. Her name is Semetary...since she looks like the one in Pet Semetary.

    (I know, the cats name was Church...but in her case, Semetary fits)

    Today's Bad Joke:

    A baby seal walks into a bar. The bartender says "What'll you have?"

    The baby seal says "Anything except a Canadian Club."
    Jokes Thread Attached Images Jokes Thread-sematary33.jpg Jokes Thread-semetary-my-kitterz1.jpg 
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  7. Posts : 11,991
    Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
       #1957

    Borg 386 said:
    Petey7 said:
    Is that the same cat that is plotting your death?
    Nope...this one is. Her name is Semetary...since she looks like the one in Pet Semetary.

    (I know, the cats name was Church...but in her case, Semetary fits)

    Today's Bad Joke:

    A baby seal walks into a bar. The bartender says "What'll you have?"

    The baby seal says "Anything except a Canadian Club."
    Sick; but I love it! :)
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  8. Posts : 1,180
    Windows 7 Ultimate
       #1958

    I got 3

    beauparc said:
    WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ!



    1) How long did the Hundred Years War last ? 116 years

    4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?
    November

    10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?
    Orange (of course!)
      My Computer


  9. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #1959

    We are interesting : Not a joke..... but an observation.


    GOD
    AND
    LAWN
    CARE


    AUTHOR UNKNOWN



    GOD:
    Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

    ST FRANCIS:
    Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

    GOD:
    The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

    ST FRANCIS:
    Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

    GOD:
    They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

    ST. FRANCIS:
    Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

    GOD:
    They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

    ST FRANCIS:
    No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

    GOD:
    Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

    ST FRANCIS:
    Yes, Sir.

    GOD:
    These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

    ST. FRANCIS:
    You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

    GOD:
    What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.

    ST. FRANCIS:
    You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

    GOD:
    No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

    ST FRANCIS:
    After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

    GOD:
    And where do they get this mulch?

    ST FRANCIS:
    They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

    GOD:
    Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

    ST. CATHERINE:
    'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about....

    GOD:
    Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
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  10. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1960

    LPt.
    How true this story is! We are the subordinates "Dumb and Dumer!"
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