Windows 7 Forums
Welcome to Windows 7 Forums. Our forum is dedicated to helping you find support and solutions for any problems regarding your Windows 7 PC be it Dell, HP, Acer, Asus or a custom build. We also provide an extensive Windows 7 tutorial section that covers a wide range of tips and tricks.


Windows 7: Jokes Thread

19 Oct 2009   #201
Perrybucsdad

Win 7 Ultimate x64 & x86
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by TheSchaft View Post



Can't make this up, folks. Actual book, actual cover.

No Starch Press: My New Mac, Snow Leopard Edition

(Isn't it cute?)
Very retro... makes me miss my old Mac Plus that got me through undergrad back in the late 80's.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
19 Oct 2009   #202
Perrybucsdad

Win 7 Ultimate x64 & x86
 
 

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law
a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....
************************************************** **********************

My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?" I replied, "Dust".

And that's how the fight started.....
************************************************** **********************

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,

'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************** **********************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds. '

I bought her a scale.

And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************** **********************

I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our
anniversary?'

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet
appreciation.

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's when the fight started....

************************************************** **********************

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's when the fight started....
************************************************** *********************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So, I took her to a gas station.

And that's when the fight started.....

************************************************** **********************

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's when the fight started.....

************************************************** **********************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And that's when the fight started.....

************************************************** ************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it. He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And that's when the fight started.....

************************************************** **********************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's when the fight stared......
My System SpecsSystem Spec
19 Oct 2009   #203
Joan Archer

Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit
 
 

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty -- except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me, old man!?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

19 Oct 2009   #204
Kari

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Joan Archer View Post
A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty -- except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me, old man!?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."


That reminds me of my first wife's mother, she could be related to that poor man's wife.

The first wife herself was not so bad, if I didn't make the mistake to speak. The best part of being married to her was our honeymoon. She went to Paris, I to Australia.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
19 Oct 2009   #205
sergiogarcia9

 





Easter Bunny Jokes

Q. What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A. Bugs Bunny


Q. What does the Easter Rabbit get for making a basket?
A. Two points just like everybody!


Q. Why did the Easter Bunny hide the egg?
A. Because it was a little chicken.


Q. What do you call a dumb bunny?
A. A hare brain.


Q. What's the best way to catch a unique rabbit?
A. You 'nique up on him.


Q. How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A. Tame way, unique up on it.


Q. How many hairs in a rabbit's tail?
A. None, they're all on the outside.


Q. How are rabbits like calculators?
A. They both multiply really fast.


Q. Why can't a rabbit's nose be twelve inches long?
A. Because then it would be a foot.


Q. How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group?
A. Just look for the gray hares.


Q. What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
A. A receding hareline.


Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?


Q. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boyscout?
A. A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.


Q. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant?
A. An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.


Q. How do you know when you're eating rabbit stew?
A. When it has hares in it.


Q. What do you call a rabbit who tells jokes?
A. A funny bunny.


Q. What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole?
A. Cold.


Q. What do rabbits have that nothing else in the world has?
A. Baby rabbits.


Q. What is a rabbit's favorite dance?
A. The Bunny Hop of course.


Q. What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear?
A. 14 carrot gold.


Q. What kind of book does a rabbit like at bedtime?
A. One with a hoppy ending.


Q. Waitress, what's this hare doing in my soup?
A. Looks like the back stroke.


Q. How do bunnies stay healthy?
A. Eggercise


Q. What do you cal a bunny with a dictionary in his pants?
A. A smarty pants.


Q. What would you call the Easter Bunny if he married a chicken?
A. The first Rabbit to lay and egg.


Q. What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. A Hot Cross bunny.


Q. What do you get when you cross a bunny with a spider?
A. A harenet.


Q. What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
A. Thistle have to do!


Q. Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
A. It has 4 rabbits' feet.


Q. How do you get letter to a bunny?
A. Hare mail.


Q. What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?
A. One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny!


Q. What do you get when you cross a bunny with an onion?
A. A bunion.








My System SpecsSystem Spec
19 Oct 2009   #206
Perrybucsdad

Win 7 Ultimate x64 & x86
 
 

Speaking of rabbits... This bear was in the woods taking a dump, and he looks to his right and he sees a bunny rabbit. The bear says "Hi Mr Rabbit", and the bunny says "Hello Mr Bear". The Bear then proceeds to say "Mr Rabbit, does Poop stick to your fur when you take a dump?" And Mr Bunny Rabbit says "No Mr Bear, poop doesn't stick to my fur when I take a dump." So Mr Bear reached over, and whipped his ass with Mr Rabbit and then put him down and went on his way.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
19 Oct 2009   #207
mickey megabyte

ultimate 64 sp1
 
 

two blondes walking into a wood, the first one says, "oh look over there, they’re rabbit tracks."

the other one says, "no, they’re bear tracks."

“no they’re rabbit tracks!”

“no! they’re bear tracks!”

they stood there arguing for a good while, bear, no rabbit, bear, no rabbit................

they were both killed by the train.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
19 Oct 2009   #208
sergiogarcia9

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by mickey megabyte View Post
two blondes walking into a wood, the first one says, "oh look over there, they’re rabbit tracks."

the other one says, "no, they’re bear tracks."

“no they’re rabbit tracks!”

“no! they’re bear tracks!”

they stood there arguing for a good while, bear, no rabbit, bear, no rabbit................

they were both killed by the train.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
22 Oct 2009   #209
deanbcurtis

Win 7 RC 7100 x64
 
 

How does one kill time waiting for Win7 to arrive? Making gaijin yonkoma, I guess.

My System SpecsSystem Spec
22 Oct 2009   #210
pacinitaly

windows 7 professional & ultimate 64bit laptops
 
 

???????????





Attached Thumbnails
Jokes Thread-404.jpg  
My System SpecsSystem Spec
Closed Thread

Thread Tools


Similar help and support threads
Thread Forum
Jokes Thread [4]
No sex after surgery ... A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
Chillout Room
Computer jokes!
Rules: ------------------ One joke per post No repeating of jokes ------------------ Il start: What do you call a computer with no graphics?
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread [3]
:note: continued from - https://www.sevenforums.com/chillout-room/106614-jokes-thread-2 ****** 22 ADULT TRUTHS ****** 1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you...
Chillout Room
IT Jokes
If you can read German, then you will appreciate: Die schlechtesten IT-Witze - Derber Humor ohne Gewähr | TecChannel.de
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread 2
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! :D I will start first! :p A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."...
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
Person 1:Knock Knock Person 2:Whos there? Person 1: Boo Person 2: Boo who? :huh: Person 1: ZOMG WHY U CRYIN??!? :p
Chillout Room


Our Sites

Site Links

About Us

Find Us

Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

© Designer Media Ltd

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 20:02.
Twitter Facebook Google+ Seven Forums iOS App Seven Forums Android App