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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

23 Jan 2010   #421
garysgold

Vista Ult 64 bit Seven Ult RTM x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Coolness View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by derekimo View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by patio View Post
His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You'reNOTmy flight instructor?'

My System SpecsSystem Spec
24 Jan 2010   #422
kronckew

Win 7 ultimate x64 sp1
 
 

Little Melissa comes home from 1st grade & tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.

'Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint, and we're Jewish,' she asks, 'Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?

Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says: 'No, I don't think God would get mad. Whom do you want to give a Valentine to?'

'Osama Bin Laden,' she says.

'Why Osama Bin Laden?' her father asks in shock. Well,' she says, 'I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.

And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them, and how he didn't hate anyone anymore.'

Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride. 'Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I have ever heard.'

'I know, ' Melissa says, 'and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could shoot the sucker.'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
24 Jan 2010   #423
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by kronckew View Post
Little Melissa comes home from 1st grade & tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.

'Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint, and we're Jewish,' she asks, 'Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?

Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says: 'No, I don't think God would get mad. Whom do you want to give a Valentine to?'

'Osama Bin Laden,' she says.

'Why Osama Bin Laden?' her father asks in shock. Well,' she says, 'I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.

And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them, and how he didn't hate anyone anymore.'

Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride. 'Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I have ever heard.'

'I know, ' Melissa says, 'and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could shoot the sucker.'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

24 Jan 2010   #424
zigzag3143

Win 8 Release candidate 8400
 
 

Instructions from the I.T. Department



1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children’s art. 2. Don’t ever write anything down, especially the error message that was on your screen.
3. If we ask what the last thing you did was, always respond with, “I didn’t do anything.”
4. When we say we’ll be right over, immediately find a reason to leave so you won’t have to answer silly questions from us, like “what’s your screen saver password
5. When describing your problem, just tell us what you were ultimately trying to do. For example, just say, “I can’t get my email”. We don’t need to know that the computer won’t even turn on. 6. Feel free to ignore any email sent from us, especially those marked with high importance. You don’t really need to know about the latest virus that wiped out your neighbors hard drive.
7. Always send important and urgent emails in all uppercase.
8. When the copier, or anything else remotely electronic, doesn’t work, call us. Heck, if we can fix computers, we must know all about copiers too.
9. If the document you sent to the printer didn’t print, send it at least 20 more times. One of them is bound to work.
10. Don’t ever learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by “my thingy blew up”.
11. Don’t waste your time using the built in help files. We already had to learn the hard way, why should you?
12. If any of the computer cables are in your way or keep moving, be sure to route them across the top of your portable heater or set something big and heavy on them to hold them in place.
13. Never bother reading any message that pops up on your screen. Just click the X to close it or the first button your mouse gets to.
14. Don’t ever try rebooting the computer yourself. Call us immediately. Only experienced, highly-trained professionals should attempt that.
15. Feel perfectly free to say things like “I don’t know anything about this computer crap”. We love hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
16. When you receive a huge movie file that’s really funny, be sure to forward it to all your friends. We have plenty of disk space and bandwidth.
17. Don’t bother bringing a radio to work, just listen to music over the internet. Like I said, we have plenty of bandwidth.
18. Don’t even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might squeeze their one-page document into the queue.
19. When an I.T. person is carrying heavy equipment, worth thousands of dollars, that’s the best time to ask why your screen saver quit working.
20. Don’t bother to tell us when you move computer equipment around on your own. We certainly don’t need to keep track of those things.
21. Your computer case makes a great flat surface for sitting drinks or potted plants on.
22. Do whatever you can to cover up those ugly open air slots in the computer and monitor.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
24 Jan 2010   #425
Coolness

Win 7 pro 64-bit, Ubuntu 9.10 64-bit
 
 

both of the above rocked Also, heres my joke:
A guy walks to a shop. SPOON!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
24 Jan 2010   #426
Dom

Windows Seven Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by patio View Post
His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're
NOT my flight instructor?'
Haha!!!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
24 Jan 2010   #427
Pieloi

Windows 7 Professional x64
 
 

Knock Knock ?
"Who's there ?"
...




..............................................................................................Java
My System SpecsSystem Spec
24 Jan 2010   #428
Coolness

Win 7 pro 64-bit, Ubuntu 9.10 64-bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Pieloi View Post
Knock Knock ?
"Who's there ?"
...




..............................................................................................Java
HAHAHAH! But, its really incorrect cause Java is pretty fast.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
26 Jan 2010   #429
Capt.Jack Sparrow

Windows 7 Ultimate - 64-bit | Windows 8 Pro - 64-bit
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
26 Jan 2010   #430
Coolness

Win 7 pro 64-bit, Ubuntu 9.10 64-bit
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
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