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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

15 Feb 2010   #511
DocBrown

Win7 Enterprise, Win7 x86 (Ult 7600), Win7 x64 Ult 7600, TechNet RTM on AMD x64 (2.8Ghz)
 
 

I was in Home Depot the other day pushing my cart around and I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.

I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying much attention where I was going."

The young guy said, "That's OK. What a coincidence, I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.”

I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy said, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"


I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."



Most of us old guys are helpful like that.


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Jokes Thread-old_man_happy_md_clr.gif 
My System SpecsSystem Spec
15 Feb 2010   #512
noobvious

Win 7 Ultimate 64-bit SP1 (desktop)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by DocBrown View Post
I was in Home Depot the other day pushing my cart around and I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.

I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying much attention where I was going."

The young guy said, "That's OK. What a coincidence, I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.”

I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy said, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"


I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."



Most of us old guys are helpful like that.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
15 Feb 2010   #513
Coolness

Win 7 pro 64-bit, Ubuntu 9.10 64-bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by noob View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by DocBrown View Post
I was in Home Depot the other day pushing my cart around and I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.

I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying much attention where I was going."

The young guy said, "That's OK. What a coincidence, I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.”

I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy said, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"


I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."



Most of us old guys are helpful like that.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

15 Feb 2010   #514
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Win 10 Pro x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by DocBrown View Post
I was in Home Depot the other day pushing my cart around and I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.

I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying much attention where I was going."

The young guy said, "That's OK. What a coincidence, I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.”

I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy said, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"


I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."



Most of us old guys are helpful like that.
Great One Doc!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
15 Feb 2010   #515
valtonray

Windows 7 Ultimate Signature Edition
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by DocBrown View Post
I was in Home Depot the other day pushing my cart around and I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.

I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying much attention where I was going."

The young guy said, "That's OK. What a coincidence, I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.”

I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy said, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"


I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."



Most of us old guys are helpful like that.
love it.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 Feb 2010   #516
patio

Vista Ultimate X64/ Windows 7 Dual-boot
 
 

Quote:
Why Men Don't Write Abby

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. my wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?

I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was Checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
....
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 Feb 2010   #517
D3ftOn3Z

Win 7 Ultimate SP1 x64
 
 

-Too Many Kids-

One day, 3 men rushed their wives into the Emergency Room for labor.

After a while, the doctor came out and said, "Mr. Smith, Mr. Smith, are you here?"

"Yes doctor, im right here," he said anxiously.

"Great news," explained the doctor, "Twins!"

"Wow, thats great, because I work for the DoubleMint company."

About 5 minuter later, the doctor came out and yelled, "Mr. Jones, Mr. Jones, are you hear?"

"I'm right year Doc," he said.

"Mr. Jones, great news, triplets!"

"Spectacular!" he said. "Because I work for 3M."

A while later, the doctor came out again and said, "Mr. Ford, Mr. Ford, are you here?"

"Right here docta," he said.

"Wonderful news! It's-"

"Wait a minute!" the man said. "I ain't stickin' around for this! I work at the 7-11."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 Feb 2010   #518
D3ftOn3Z

Win 7 Ultimate SP1 x64
 
 

-Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee-

- You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other people's fingernails.
- Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
- You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet.
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- Cocaine is a downer.
- You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
- Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
- You don't sweat, you percolate.
- You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
- You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
- You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
- Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
- You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
- The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
- Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
- You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
- Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
- You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You can thread a sewing machine, while it's running.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
- You don't tan, you roast.
- You can't even remember your second cup.
- You help your dog chase its tail.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 Feb 2010   #519
Grimmjow

Windows 7 Ultimate x32
 
 

mIRC
<blazemore> omg i love this song
<blazemore> Now playing: Unknown Artist - Track 2 @ 128 Kbps. (0:47/3:24)
<Javi> blazemore: yeah, that's a bad ass song
-------------------------------------------------------
<L0ne_W0lf> I saw a lady at work today putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. I inquired as to what she was doing and she said she was shopping on the Internet, and they asked for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
------------------------------------------------------------
<+kritical> christin: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself..
<+Christin1> how do i do that
----------------------------------------------------------
<Nall> type /nick newname to fix your name
*** amit is now known as newname
--------------------------------------------------------
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 Feb 2010   #520
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Win 10 Pro x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by D3ftOn3Z View Post
-Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee-

- You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other people's fingernails.
- Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
- You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet.
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- Cocaine is a downer.
- You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
- Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
- You don't sweat, you percolate.
- You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
- You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
- You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
- Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
- You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
- The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
- Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
- You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
- Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
- You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You can thread a sewing machine, while it's running.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
- You don't tan, you roast.
- You can't even remember your second cup.
- You help your dog chase its tail.

Those are Great!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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