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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

16 Feb 2010   #521
Coolness

Win 7 pro 64-bit, Ubuntu 9.10 64-bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by patio View Post
Quote:
Why Men Don't Write Abby

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. my wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?

I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was Checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
....
So the guy wrote all about his wife and stuff, and after all he was asking for advice on his HD leaking oil? LOL?

And
Quote:
- You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
is awesome!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 Feb 2010   #522
valtonray

Windows 7 Ultimate Signature Edition
 
 

these are great
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 Feb 2010   #523
jfar

Vista Ult64, Win7600
 
 

Bloke upstairs just waking up and he hears screams from the kitchen downstairs.
He comes running down the stairs and into the kitchen where he sees his wife at the cooker.
She turns to him and says “Quick, clean off the counter there behind me and start making love to me for as long as you can.” He thought all his birthdays had come at once.
The bloke looks a bit stunned for a second or two, but clears the counter off as quick as a whistle
and proceeds to make mad passionate love to the missus.
When they were finished the bloke turned to the wife and said, “Well that was a surprise”
“What was all that about.”

She looked at him for a second and said,
“Oh nothing really it’s just that the egg timer had just broken.”
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

16 Feb 2010   #524
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by jfar View Post
Bloke upstairs just waking up and he hears screams from the kitchen downstairs.
He comes running down the stairs and into the kitchen where he sees his wife at the cooker.
She turns to him and says “Quick, clean off the counter there behind me and start making love to me for as long as you can.” He thought all his birthdays had come at once.
The bloke looks a bit stunned for a second or two, but clears the counter off as quick as a whistle
and proceeds to make mad passionate love to the missus.
When they were finished the bloke turned to the wife and said, “Well that was a surprise”
“What was all that about.”

She looked at him for a second and said,
“Oh nothing really it’s just that the egg timer had just broken.”

My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 Feb 2010   #525
Joan Archer

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 32 bit/Windows 10 64bit
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
17 Feb 2010   #526
madtownidiot

 

A husband walks into the newly opened department store to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $100 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price.

Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling without my clothes on (he'll never know the difference), and I'll return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'

She appears nekkid on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
17 Feb 2010   #527
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by madtownidiot View Post
A husband walks into the newly opened department store to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $100 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price.

Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling without my clothes on (he'll never know the difference), and I'll return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'

She appears nekkid on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'
LMAO!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
17 Feb 2010   #528
pacinitaly

windows 7 professional & ultimate 64bit laptops
 
 

Signs You Might Be A Redneck
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.

You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

You ever cut your grass and found a car.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.

You own a homemade fur coat.

The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.

People hear your car a long time before they see it
My System SpecsSystem Spec
17 Feb 2010   #529
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pacinitaly View Post
Signs You Might Be A Redneck
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.

You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

You ever cut your grass and found a car.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.

You own a homemade fur coat.

The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.

People hear your car a long time before they see it
Nice! Foxworthy would be proud.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
17 Feb 2010   #530
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by madtownidiot View Post
A husband walks into the newly opened department store to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $100 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price.

Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling without my clothes on (he'll never know the difference), and I'll return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'

She appears nekkid on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'

LMAO!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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