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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

23 Feb 2010   #581
Kari

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Dwarf View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Jonathan_King View Post
Three guys died when they got to the pearly gates St Peter met them and said ...
Not long after this, a fourth guy died and when he arrived at the pearly gates St. Peter met him and asked the same questions that he asked the other guys. ...
And the very next day, a young man in his late thirties arrived to the gates of Heaven.

'Good day', says St. Peter.
'Hi', answerers the the newcomer.
'You are a car mechanic, I see, you had a car repair shop', says Peter. 'How old are you?'
'I'm 36 years old', tells the young man.
'Hm, but you have billed 508 080 hours from your customers alone in the last 10 years. That makes 58 years, working 24/7. Can you explain it?'
'These foreign cars! You have to work around the clock to get them fixed!'
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23 Feb 2010   #582
PooMan UK

Windows 7 Ultimate 64bit
 
 
Death Star Canteen

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23 Feb 2010   #583
PooMan UK

Windows 7 Ultimate 64bit
 
 
How not to shoot with a deagle

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.

23 Feb 2010   #584
madtownidiot

 

Someone complained about my signature because it contained a shutdown sequence that works in windows 7. windows key > right arrow key > enter as quickly as possible. Fastest way to end boredom
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23 Feb 2010   #585
DocBrown

Win7 Enterprise, Win7 x86 (Ult 7600), Win7 x64 Ult 7600, TechNet RTM on AMD x64 (2.8Ghz)
 
 
Amish & the Elevator

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny,silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have
never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.



They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son...


'Go get your mother.'
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24 Feb 2010   #586
wallyinnc

Windows 7 x64 finally!
 
 

Great one...
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24 Feb 2010   #587
patio

Vista Ultimate X64/ Windows 7 Dual-boot
 
 

Chutzpah is a Yiddish word meaning gall, brazen nerve, effrontery,
sheer guts plus arrogance; it's Yiddish and, as Leo Rosten writes,
no other word, and no other language, can do it justice.
This example is better than a thousand words...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for
25 cents each. Every day a young man would leave
his office building at lunch time and as he passed
the pretzel stand he would leave her a quarter,
but never take a pretzel.

And this went on for more then 3 years. The two of
them never spoke. One day as the young man
passed the old lady's stand and left his quarter
as usual, the pretzel lady spoke to him.
Without blinking an eye she said:

"They're 35 cents now ."

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24 Feb 2010   #588
DreemWarrior

Windows 7 ultimate X64
 
 

May be P.I.,but funny all the same...

The Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......
'Hey Jose, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.'
'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee..'
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
'Jose, Jose, we is saved. 'Eees a bacon tree.'
'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget.'
'Jose when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smells like bacon.... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree'.
And with that... Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Jose following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Jose with his dying breath.
'Jose... go back man, you was right ees not a bacon tree.'
'Luis Luis mi amigo... what ees it?
'Jose... ees not a bacon tree...
 



 
Ees
 
Eees a ham bush.
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25 Feb 2010   #589
wallyinnc

Windows 7 x64 finally!
 
 

The sad part is we Latin Americans do talk like that (some with not all the mistakes). Last night my family and I volunteered with stophungernow.org to pack food bags for Haiti. We were packing soy protein, powdered vitamins, dried vegetables and rice in a plastic bag, putting them in bins that were then taken to weighing, sealing and packing (we packed about 50k meals in our shift).

Well, at one point we ran out of bins in our station and I started shouting for more, a guy looked at me and said "Beans? We don't have any beans!". I was like "just get some trays will you..?
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25 Feb 2010   #590
valtonray

Windows 7 Ultimate Signature Edition
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by DreemWarrior View Post
May be P.I.,but funny all the same...

The Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......
'Hey Jose, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.'
'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee..'
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
'Jose, Jose, we is saved. 'Eees a bacon tree.'
'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget.'
'Jose when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smells like bacon.... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree'.
And with that... Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Jose following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Jose with his dying breath.
'Jose... go back man, you was right ees not a bacon tree.'
'Luis Luis mi amigo... what ees it?
'Jose... ees not a bacon tree...
 



 
Ees
 
Eees a ham bush.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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