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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

26 Feb 2010   #601

7 Ultimate x64, Vista Ultimate x64, 7 Pro x64, XP Pro x86, Linux Mint Nadia Cinnamon

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by valtonray View Post
you do realize bush isn't the president over here anymore right? other than that i think you captured him pretty well he is an idiot.
It was a coupla years ago that he sent me that - while Bush was still pres. I found it while digging through a bunch of old emails. I thought I'd throw it up just for fun.

Yeah, Bush, Obama, Clinton, Bush, Reagan, Carter, Ford, Nixon, Johnson, Kennedy...they're all idiots back until Teddy. The last good American president.

Oh, don't get me started on politics.
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26 Feb 2010   #602
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by MattRainier View Post

Oh, don't get me started on politics.

Not a good idea as it against forum rules.
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26 Feb 2010   #603


Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America.....

Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as'HILLBILLIES.'

You must now refer to them as


And furthermore


1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a

2. She is not 'EASY' - She is


3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a


4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a


5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes


6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a



1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is


3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He

4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of
(Loved this one!)

6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's

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26 Feb 2010   #604


--- The Mother of all jokes

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over
a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.

The older of the two pulls a bag out of her purse and
starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.

'This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have
been 24 years old now.'

'Yes, I remember him as a baby,' says the other mother cheerfully.

'He's a martyr now though,' the mother confides.

'Oh, so sad dear,' says the other..

'And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.'

'Oh, I remember him,' says the other happily,
'he had such curly hair when he was born.'

'He's a martyr too,' says the mother quietly.

'Oh, gracious me . . . , ' says the other.

'And this is my third son, my baby, my beautiful Ahmed.
He would have been 18,' she whispers.

'Yes,' says the friend enthusiastically, 'I
remember when he first started school.'

'He's a martyr also,' says the mother, with
tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother
looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the
right words, says . . .

'They blow up so fast, don't they?'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
26 Feb 2010   #605
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate


'They blow up so fast, don't they?'

Jokes Thread-roflmao.gif

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26 Feb 2010   #606

Hog Hunting Florida Style

Here is how we hunt for hogs in the Sunshine State!

Attached Images
Jokes Thread-hog_hunting.jpg 
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26 Feb 2010   #607

How to prevent Suicide Bombers!

Attached Images
Jokes Thread-att00011.jpg 
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26 Feb 2010   #608


This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the 70's. Ronnie Barker
could say all this without a snigger, though God knows after how many

The irony is, BBC received not one complaint.
The speed of delivery must have been too much for the whining herds. Try
getting through it without converting the spoonerisms as you read.......

This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella
worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot.
At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were
right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called
Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers;they had fetty sweet
and fatty swannies.
The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts
would not let Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her
name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned
a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy
ronkeys who had buge hollocks and digbicks. The gairy fodmother told
Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking
At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when
suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said
Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks,so dropping her
slass glipper.

The very next day, the prandsome hince knocked
on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in.. Suddenly, Betty
Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted?"
asked the prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said
Mary Hinge.
When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on
both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.
Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a
knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge
halls and a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and
it fitted pucking ferfectly.
Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince
lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a
follen swanny!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
26 Feb 2010   #609
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate

I can't even read it at all.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
26 Feb 2010   #610

7 Ultimate x64, Vista Ultimate x64, 7 Pro x64, XP Pro x86, Linux Mint Nadia Cinnamon

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Kari View Post
11 hours to game start, I'm quite sure we are going to Sunday's finals by beating USA today!

Sorry. Couldn't resist.

But really - I was looking forward to a good hockey game, not a rout... Oh well. I'll have to settle for watching USA thrash Canada again on their way to a gold.
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