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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

11 Mar 2010   #671
harry5

 

the black bra!!(as told by a woman)

Sue had lunch with 2 of her unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress & Sue has been married for 20+ years.


They were chatting about their relationships & decided to amaze their partners by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels & a mask over their eyes. They agreed to meet after a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went.

the engaged friend …..


The other night when my boyfriend came over, he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos & a mask. He saw me & said: 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made passionate love all nightlong,

the mistress…..


Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office & I was wearing a raincoat. Under it only the black bra, heels & a mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble & we had wild sex all night.

then Sue had to share her story …..


When my husband came home, I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos & a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door & saw me, he said:

"What's for dinner, Batman?"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Mar 2010   #672
wallyinnc

Windows 7 x64 finally!
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by harry5 View Post
"What's for dinner, Batman?"
Great one...
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Mar 2010   #673
Kari

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by wallyinnc View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by harry5 View Post
"What's for dinner, Batman?"
Great one...
+1

Luckily that day has still to come...
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

11 Mar 2010   #674
severedsolo

Windows 7 Ultimate X64 SP1
 
 

I am a Nobody, Nobody is perfect, Therefore I am Perfect

I dont suffer from insanity i enjoy every minute of it
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Mar 2010   #675
pacinitaly

windows 7 professional & ultimate 64bit laptops
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by severedsolo View Post
i am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore i am perfect

i dont suffer from insanity i enjoy every minute of it


i love this !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also, I'm not schizophrenic, I'm quadraphonic ( syd barret - pink floyd )
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Mar 2010   #676
Kari

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 

Quote:
WHERE AM I?

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an
electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic
navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze
the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the
airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew
a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign
said "WHERE AM I ?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a
large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU
ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and
determine the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma) airport and
landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the
"YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The
pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building
because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless
answer."
Credits to Little Darwin, who posted a link to this joke here.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Mar 2010   #677
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Kari View Post
Quote:
WHERE AM I?

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an
electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic
navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze
the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the
airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew
a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign
said "WHERE AM I ?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a
large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU
ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and
determine the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma) airport and
landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the
"YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The
pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building
because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless
answer."
Credits to Little Darwin, who posted a link to this joke here.

That is a good one.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Mar 2010   #678
harry5

 

A new
priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
speak.
After
mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.


The
monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to
get nervous, I take a sip.'


So
next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At
the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a
drink.
He
proceeded to talk up a storm.


Upon
his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on
the door:


1)Sip
the vodka, don't gulp.


2)
There are 10 commandments, not 12.



3)
There are 12 disciples, not 10.



4) Jesus
was consecrated, not constipated.



5) Jacob
wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.



6)
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.



7)
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and
the spook.



8)
David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of
him.



9)
When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say
he was stoned off his ass.



10)
We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'



11)
When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and
eat it for this is my body.' He did not say 'Eat
me'.



12)
The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.



13)
The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the
grub, Yeah God.



14)
Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.
Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St.
Taffy's
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Mar 2010   #679
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 
 

Ah Another great one harry.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Mar 2010   #680
Dom

Windows Seven Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by harry5 View Post
A new
priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
speak.
After
mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.


The
monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to
get nervous, I take a sip.'


So
next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At
the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a
drink.
He
proceeded to talk up a storm.


Upon
his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on
the door:


1)Sip
the vodka, don't gulp.



2)
There are 10 commandments, not 12.




3)
There are 12 disciples, not 10.




4) Jesus
was consecrated, not constipated.




5) Jacob
wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.




6)
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.




7)
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and
the spook.




8)
David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of
him.




9)
When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say
he was stoned off his ass.




10)
We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'




11)
When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and
eat it for this is my body.' He did not say 'Eat
me'.




12)
The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.




13)
The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the
grub, Yeah God.




14)
Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.
Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St.
Taffy's
I find this a bit offensive due to my beliefs
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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