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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

01 Apr 2010   #781
MattRainier

7 Ultimate x64, Vista Ultimate x64, 7 Pro x64, XP Pro x86, Linux Mint Nadia Cinnamon
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
01 Apr 2010   #782
harry5

 

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!



When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up, what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... barefoot... in the snow … BOTH ways --- Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that.. I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen!

Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take, like, a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3' s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone. Cause - that's how we rolled, dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... forever!

And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! NO REMOTES!!!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-*******s!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

Regards,
The Over 40 Crowd
My System SpecsSystem Spec
01 Apr 2010   #783
tw33k

Windows 7 Ultimate (x64) SP1
 
 

..those were, indeed, the days
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

01 Apr 2010   #784
Kipper

 

A gas station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, “Free Sex with Fill-Up.”


Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10 and if he guessed correctly he would get his free sex.


The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, “You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.”


A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up.

Again he asked for his free sex.


The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time.



The proprietor said, “Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.”


As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, “I think that game is rigged and he doesn’t really give away free sex.”

Bubba replied, “No it ain’t, Billy Ray. It ain’t rigged. My wife won twice last week.”
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Apr 2010   #785
starwolf1336

Windows 7 Professional 64bit
 
 

HAHA, nice one Kipper
My System SpecsSystem Spec
03 Apr 2010   #786
harry5

 

Only a Farm Kid...
When you're from the country ~ you look at things a little differently...

A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door "Is your Dad home?" the rancher asked.
"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well," said the rancher, "Is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for Dad."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."'
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets for Howard."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
03 Apr 2010   #787
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
03 Apr 2010   #788
Dark Nova Gamer

Windows 7 Ultimate, OS X 10.7, Ubuntu 11.04
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by harry5 View Post
Only a Farm Kid...
When you're from the country ~ you look at things a little differently...

A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door "Is your Dad home?" the rancher asked.
"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well," said the rancher, "Is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for Dad."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."'
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets for Howard."
Ha!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Apr 2010   #789
starwolf1336

Windows 7 Professional 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by harry5 View Post
Only a Farm Kid...
When you're from the country ~ you look at things a little differently...

A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door "Is your Dad home?" the rancher asked.
"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well," said the rancher, "Is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for Dad."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."'
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets for Howard."
I somehow dont get it. So he tells the boy that the man's daughter is pregnant from the boy's brother. So what does the bull and pig have to do with it?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Apr 2010   #790
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

LOL. You aren't a farm boy, are you?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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